Today we’re talking about compersion: what it is and how not to feel jealous anymore!
Everytime I do some research about relationships and ways to improve it, I tend to come across strange words which have been around for a while… and apparently it is just me who has never heard of them before.
Compersion is such a word. Apparently it has been around for quite some time, but I just haven’t really ever heard about it until very recently.
Maybe because I don’t feel it too often?
What the heck is compersion anyway?
Alright, let me break it down for you.
Compersion is when you feel happy as a clam seeing your partner all lovey-dovey with someone else.
It’s like the opposite of being jealous.
Instead of getting all green-eyed and possessive, you genuinely enjoy seeing your partner’s joy and fulfillment with another person.
It’s like a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart, knowing that they’re experiencing love and happiness outside of your relationship.
So yeah, compersion is all about being cool with your partner’s connections and finding joy in their connections too.
Isn’t compersion just a fancy word for being a pushover or getting walked all over?
No way, compersion is not about being a pushover or getting walked all over!
It’s not about sacrificing your own needs or boundaries.
It’s actually about having a healthy and secure mindset in your relationship.
Compersion means you’re genuinely happy for your partner when they find happiness and love with someone else.
It’s not about being a doormat. It is about being open, supportive, and secure in yourself and your relationship.
It also is all about embracing love and understanding that your partner’s joy doesn’t take away from your own.
So, compersion is definitely not about being a pushover, my friend.
It just means you’re ok to share your partner with others, and you’re genuinely happy for your partner when they do.
Can anyone feel compersion, or is it just for polyamorous couples?
Well, compersion is often associated with polyamory, but it’s not limited to just polyamorous folks.
Anyone can experience compersion, regardless of their relationship style.
It’s more about having a mindset of abundance and being genuinely happy for your partner’s joy and fulfillment.
Even if it comes from a connection with someone else.
So whether you’re in a monogamous relationship, an open relationship, or exploring different relationship styles, compersion is something that anyone can feel and embrace.
It’s all about celebrating love and happiness, no matter how many people are involved.
Is this some kind of superpower that only special people have?
Nah, compersion is not some superpower reserved for special people.
It’s not like you need to be bitten by a radioactive love bug or have some extraordinary abilities.
Compersion is actually a mindset and an emotional state that you can develop and nurture.
Sure, some people may naturally lean towards compersion, but it’s not limited to them.
It’s something that anyone can work on and cultivate with practice, communication, and self-awareness.
So, don’t worry, you don’t need to be a superhero to experience compersion. It’s within reach for all of us regular people.
Can you really get rid of jealousy completely with compersion?
No, compersion doesn’t mean that you’ll completely eliminate jealousy from your life.
Jealousy is a natural emotion that can arise in relationships. And it’s not something you can just flick off like a light switch.
Compersion is more about changing your perspective on jealousy and how you respond to it. It helps you navigate and manage those jealous feelings in a healthier way.
With compersion, you can learn to recognize and address jealousy when it arises.
Instead of letting it consume you or becoming possessive, you can work on understanding the root causes of your jealousy. And communicate openly with your partner.
Compersion can help you shift your focus towards feelings of happiness and joy for your partner’s experiences, even if they involve someone else.
So, while compersion can be a powerful tool in managing and minimizing jealousy, it doesn’t mean that jealousy will vanish entirely.
It’s a process of self-reflection, growth, and finding balance within yourself and your relationships.
What can I do to feel compersion if I’m struggling with jealousy?
Alright, if you’re struggling with jealousy and want to start feeling compersion, here are a few things you can try:
Open up those communication channels:
Talk to your partner about your feelings, fears, and insecurities.
Be honest and let them know what you’re going through.
Communication is key to understanding each other better.
Take a deep dive into self-reflection:
Explore why you’re feeling jealous.
Is it rooted in past experiences or personal insecurities?
Understanding the source of your jealousy can help you address it more effectively.
Educate yourself about compersion:
Read books, articles, or even join online communities where people discuss compersion and non-monogamy.
Learning about other people’s experiences and insights can broaden your perspective.
Practice gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the happiness your partner experiences.
Appreciate the love and connection you share and remind yourself that their joy doesn’t diminish your own.
Engage in self-care and self-improvement:
Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem, pursue your passions, and develop a strong sense of self outside of your relationship.
Seek support from like-minded individuals:
Connect with others who have experienced or are experiencing compersion.
Join support groups, attend workshops, or find online communities where you can share your struggles, seek advice, and gain support.
Remember, feeling compersion takes time and effort.
It’s a journey of personal growth and understanding.
Be patient with yourself and your progress.
With practice and a willingness to embrace new perspectives, you can start cultivating compersion in your life.
What if I’m just not wired for compersion? Can I still have a successful non-monogamous relationship?
Absolutely! Not everyone is wired for compersion, and that’s okay.
Compersion is not a requirement for having a successful non-monogamous relationship.
Non-monogamy can take many forms, and each person has their own emotional capacity and boundaries.
Successful non-monogamous relationships are built on open communication, trust, and mutual respect.
If you don’t naturally experience compersion, it’s important to have honest discussions with your partner(s) about your emotional needs and limitations.
Instead of focusing on compersion, you can emphasize other aspects of non-monogamy that are important to you. Such as clear agreements, maintaining individual autonomy, and prioritizing open and transparent communication.
Non-monogamous relationships can thrive even without compersion.
It’s about finding what works best for you and your partner(s) and creating a relationship structure that respects everyone’s emotional needs and boundaries.
So, don’t worry if compersion isn’t your thing.
With understanding, empathy, and communication, you can still have a successful and fulfilling non-monogamous relationship.
Can compersion coexist with feelings of insecurity or fear of abandonment?
Yes! Compersion can coexist with feelings of insecurity or fear of abandonment.
It’s important to recognize that emotions are complex and multifaceted.
It’s natural to experience a mix of emotions, including compersion, insecurity, and fear, in various situations.
Compersion doesn’t mean you won’t feel insecure or fear abandonment at times.
It’s about acknowledging those feelings and working through them in a healthy way.
It’s about being open and honest with your partner(s) about your emotions and building a foundation of trust and communication.
Insecurity and fear of abandonment can stem from personal experiences, past traumas, or uncertainties.
It’s crucial to address these underlying issues and find ways to manage them, such as therapy, self-reflection, or seeking support from loved ones.
Compersion can actually be a valuable tool in managing insecurities and fear.
By focusing on the happiness and fulfillment of your partner(s) and nurturing a sense of trust, you can gradually alleviate some of those fears.
It’s a process that requires patience, self-work, and ongoing communication.
Remember, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, including compersion alongside insecurity or fear.
The key is to approach those emotions with understanding, compassion, and a willingness to work through them together with your partner(s).
How can it help strengthen a monogamous relationship?
Compersion can indeed help strengthen a monogamous relationship as well.
While it is often associated with non-monogamous dynamics, its core principles can be applied in any relationship style.
In a monogamous relationship, this can be seen as celebrating and supporting your partner’s happiness and achievements outside of the relationship.
It involves fostering a mindset of generosity, empathy, and genuine joy for your partner’s well-being.
When you experience compersion in a monogamous context, it means being genuinely happy and supportive when your partner succeeds, finds fulfillment, or engages in activities that bring them joy. Even if those activities don’t involve you directly.
It’s about recognizing that their happiness doesn’t take away from your own, but instead adds to the overall positivity of the relationship.
By cultivating compersion in a monogamous relationship, you create an environment of trust, open communication, and mutual support.
It strengthens the bond between you and your partner, deepens your emotional connection, and fosters a sense of security and happiness within the relationship.
So, while it is often discussed in the context of non-monogamy, its principles can certainly be applied to monogamous relationships to enhance their strength and overall well-being.
Once I’ve started analyzing my relationship with my husband from this perspective, I’ve realized that I was feeling compersion many times. Especially when he was succeeding in his businesses and he was genuinely happy. I was so happy to see him happy.
Is it related to love?
Yes, compersion is closely related to love.
It is an emotional state that arises from a deep sense of love and care for your partner(s).
It involves feeling genuinely happy and fulfilled when you witness your partner experiencing love and happiness with someone else, or in any other context as well, if you’re practicing compersion in a monogamous relationship.
Compersion is rooted in a mindset of abundance, where you understand that love is not a finite resource and that your partner’s connections with others do not diminish their love for you.
Instead of feeling threatened or possessive, compersion allows you to embrace and celebrate the love and joy that your partner finds outside of the relationship.
In essence, it demonstrates a profound love and support for your partner’s well-being and growth. Even when it involves relationships beyond your own.
It reflects a deep understanding that love can be shared and multiplied, rather than divided or diminished.
So, compersion and love go hand in hand.
It is an expression of love that extends beyond the boundaries of a traditional relationship, emphasizing empathy, generosity, and a genuine desire for your partner’s happiness and fulfilment.
Is compersion something that just happens naturally, or can I actively cultivate it?
Compersion can be both something that happens naturally for some people and something that can be actively cultivated for others.
Some individuals may have a natural inclination towards compersion. While others may need to work on developing and nurturing it.
If you find that it doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry!
You can actively cultivate it through various practices and mindset shifts.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Practice empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective.
Cultivate empathy by actively listening to their experiences and feelings. And genuinely caring about their happiness.
- Challenge jealousy and possessiveness: Recognize and challenge any jealous or possessive thoughts that arise.
Practice self-reflection to understand the underlying causes of these feelings and work on replacing them with more positive and supportive emotions.
- Communicate openly: Foster open and honest communication with your partner(s).
Talk about your feelings, fears, and desires.
Encourage them to do the same.
Clear and respectful communication helps build trust and understanding, which are key elements of compersion.
- Practice gratitude and appreciation: Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the joy your partner experiences.
Express gratitude for their happiness and appreciate the love and connection you share.
- Educate yourself: Learn about compersion, non-monogamy, and different relationship dynamics.
Reading books, attending workshops, or engaging in discussions with like-minded individuals can provide insights and guidance.
- Seek support: Connect with others who are experienced in compersion or non-monogamy.
Join support groups or online communities where you can share experiences, ask questions, and gain support from people who have gone through similar journeys.
Remember, cultivating compersion takes time, patience, and self-reflection. It’s a process of personal growth and development.
Be gentle with yourself, celebrate small victories, and keep working on it.
Over time, you can actively cultivate compersion and experience its positive effects in your relationships.
