Skip to content Skip to footer

Sapiosexual: Are you one? And everything else you need to know about sapiosexuality!

sapiosexual woman

What is sapiosexual?

Being sapiosexual means that a person is primarily or strongly attracted to intelligence or intellectual qualities in others. 

It’s not just about finding someone smart and attractive. But rather being specifically drawn to their intellect, wit, and ability to engage in stimulating conversations. 

For sapiosexual individuals, intellectual compatibility and mental connection play a significant role in forming romantic or sexual attractions. 

It’s important to note that sapiosexuality is just one aspect of a person’s sexual orientation or preferences. And it doesn’t imply that physical appearance or other qualities are irrelevant to them.

Can someone be sapiosexual and attracted to other qualities too?


Being sapiosexual doesn’t mean that other qualities are completely disregarded or unimportant. 

People who identify as sapiosexual can also be attracted to other qualities such as physical appearance, personality traits, sense of humor, values, or shared interests. 

Sapiosexuality is just one aspect of someone’s overall attraction and can coexist with other factors that contribute to their romantic or sexual preferences. 

It’s all about individual preferences and what resonates with each person on a personal level.

Is sapiosexuality a real thing or just made up for attention?

Sapiosexuality is a term that has been coined to describe a specific aspect of attraction. 

Namely being attracted to intelligence or intellectual qualities in others. 

While it may not be as widely discussed or recognized as other sexual orientations, it is a real concept that some individuals identify with and experience. 

Like any sexual orientation or preference, it is valid for those who feel it accurately describes their attractions and desires. 

It’s important to respect and acknowledge different sexual orientations, including sapiosexuality, as they contribute to the diverse range of human experiences and preferences.

How do you know if you’re sapiosexual? 

Alright, so here are some signs that you might be sapiosexual:

  1. You find intelligence super attractive, like it really gets your engine running. 

Smart people just do it for you, and you can’t resist a good intellectual conversation.

  1. Looks aren’t the main factor for you. 

Sure, physical attraction matters to some extent, but what really gets you going is finding someone intellectually stimulating.

  1. You tend to gravitate towards deep and meaningful conversations. 

Small talk is like nails on a chalkboard for you. 

You crave discussions that make you think, challenge your ideas, and expand your knowledge.

  1. Wit and cleverness are major turn-ons for you. 

A quick, sharp mind can be incredibly sexy. And you appreciate someone who can keep up with your banter.

  1. You’re not easily impressed by superficial things. 

Fancy cars, designer clothes, or material possessions don’t do much for you. 

You’re more interested in someone’s mental prowess and how they use their intelligence.

  1. Intelligence is a dealbreaker for you. 

It’s not just a bonus! 

It’s a fundamental requirement in a partner. 

If someone doesn’t stimulate you intellectually, it’s a major turn-off, no matter how physically attractive they might be.

  1. You value learning and personal growth. 

You’re attracted to people who have a thirst for knowledge, are curious about the world, and are constantly seeking to expand their understanding.

  1. You’re more likely to get infatuated with someone’s mind rather than their looks. 

It’s not about a perfect body or a flawless face. 

It’s about the way they think, analyze, and express themselves intellectually.

  1. You feel most connected to someone when engaging in deep conversations. 

Mental chemistry is what truly ignites your passion and creates a strong bond with another person.

  1. You appreciate intelligence in all forms, whether it’s academic knowledge, emotional intelligence, or creative thinking. 

Different types of intelligence can be equally attractive to you.

Remember, these signs are not set in stone, and everyone’s experiences and preferences may vary. 

It’s ultimately about self-reflection and recognizing what truly sparks your attraction and connection with others.

Is it possible to be sapiosexual but not intellectually inclined?

Certainly! It is possible to identify as sapiosexual even if you are not necessarily intellectually inclined yourself. 

Being sapiosexual means that you are primarily attracted to intelligence or intellectual qualities in others.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to possess those qualities to be attracted to them.

Attraction is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human experience. And it can manifest in various ways. 

Just like someone can be attracted to physical qualities that they may not possess themselves, it is possible to be attracted to intelligence without being an intellectual powerhouse. It’s all about personal preference and what resonates with each individual. 

So, being sapiosexual is more about the type of qualities that attract you, rather than requiring you to embody those qualities yourself.

What are the differences between sapiosexual and sapiophile? 

Alright, let’s break down the differences between sapiosexual and sapiophile using clear examples:


Being sapiosexual means that you’re primarily attracted to intelligence or intellectual qualities in others. 

It’s about finding someone’s mind incredibly sexy and being drawn to their intellect. 

You get turned on by deep conversations, wit, and mental stimulation. 

Let’s say you meet someone at a party, and while others are drawn to their physical appearance, you’re instantly captivated by their knowledge, the way they discuss complex topics, and how effortlessly they challenge your thinking. 

That’s sapiosexuality in action.


On the other hand, being a sapiophile means that you’re attracted to intelligent people, but it goes beyond just their intellect. 

A sapiophile finds intelligence arousing and appealing, but they may also appreciate and seek other qualities like emotional intelligence, curiosity, creativity, or a combination of various traits. 

Imagine you meet someone who not only impresses you with their intellect but also displays a deep emotional understanding, listens attentively, and engages with empathy. 

Their intelligence is undoubtedly a factor, but it’s the holistic combination of their intellectual and emotional attributes that sparks your attraction. 

That’s sapiophilia in action.

In simpler terms, sapiosexuals focus primarily on intelligence and intellectual qualities as the main attraction factor. 

Whereas sapiophiles may encompass a broader range of qualities beyond just intellect, including emotional intelligence, curiosity, or other traits that they find appealing.

Remember, these are not strict definitions, and individuals may use the terms interchangeably or have slightly different interpretations. 

The important thing is to understand that both sapiosexual and sapiophile describe attractions related to intelligence. But sapiophilia can encompass a broader spectrum of qualities beyond intellect.

While there may be discussions about potential differences between sapiosexual and sapiophile, it’s essential to understand that these differences are not universally agreed upon or well-defined. 

Both terms generally refer to attraction to intelligence, but their usage and interpretations can vary among individuals.

5 differences between sapiosexual and sapiophile

Here are potential points of differentiation based on common understandings:

  1. Scope of Attraction: Sapiosexual generally emphasizes attraction primarily or strongly towards intelligence and intellectual qualities in others. 

Sapiophile, while still valuing intelligence, may also extend their attraction to include other qualities such as emotional intelligence, curiosity, or a combination of intellectual and non-intellectual traits.

  1. Terminology and Usage: Sapiosexual is the more commonly used and recognized term. 

It has gained broader awareness in discussions about attraction to intelligence. 

Sapiophile, though related, is a less commonly used term and may be seen as a variation or less familiar alternative.

  1. Personal Preferences: Some individuals may identify as sapiosexual, indicating that intelligence is the main or sole factor driving their attraction. 

On the other hand, someone identifying as a sapiophile may indicate a broader range of qualities, including emotional intelligence or curiosity, that contribute to their attraction.

  1. Interpretation and Understanding: Due to the lack of widely established definitions, there may be varied interpretations of the terms sapiosexual and sapiophile. 

Some people may perceive subtle distinctions between the two, while others may view them as essentially synonymous.

  1. Individual Preference and Fluidity: It’s important to recognize that the ways people interpret and apply these terms can differ. 

Some individuals may use both terms interchangeably, while others may identify more strongly with one or the other based on their own understanding and personal experiences.

Please bear in mind that these differences are not universally accepted or well-defined. And the use of these terms can vary from person to person. 

It’s always important to respect individual self-identifications and understand their attractions.

Can someone be sapiosexual and still have a romantic relationship?

Absolutely! Being sapiosexual does not preclude someone from having a romantic relationship. 

In fact, many sapiosexual individuals actively seek out and engage in romantic relationships. 

Sapiosexual individuals value deep conversations, intellectual compatibility, and mental stimulation in their relationships. 

They seek partners with whom they can engage in intellectually stimulating discussions, share ideas, and explore new concepts together. 

However, it’s important to remember that sapiosexuality is just one aspect of a person’s overall attraction and does not exclude other factors such as emotional connection, shared values, physical attraction, and so on.

Ultimately, sapiosexual individuals, like anyone else, can form deep and meaningful romantic relationships based on a combination of intellectual, emotional, and other compatible qualities.

How to attract a sapiosexual? 

Alright, if you’re looking to attract a sapiosexual, here are a few things you can do to pique their interest. 

Remember, these are general tips, and individual preferences may vary:

Engage in Intellectual Conversations: Show off your smarts and engage in deep, thought-provoking conversations. 

Discuss interesting topics, share your knowledge, and be open to learning from each other. 

For example, talk about a fascinating book you recently read or a thought-provoking article you came across.

Showcase Your Curiosity: Demonstrate your thirst for knowledge and curiosity about the world. 

Ask insightful questions. Seek out new experiences. And show genuine interest in expanding your understanding. 

Maybe share your passion for exploring different cultures or your enthusiasm for trying out new hobbies.

Display Wit and Humor: Sapiosexuals often appreciate quick wit and clever humor. 

Showcase your sense of humor by sharing intelligent jokes, witty comebacks, or engaging in playful banter. 

Make them laugh while also stimulating their intellect.

Share Intellectual Hobbies or Activities: Highlight your involvement in intellectually stimulating hobbies or activities. 

Whether it’s participating in book clubs, attending educational workshops, or engaging in philosophical discussions. 

Show that you actively pursue and enjoy activities that nourish your mind.

Be Authentic and Genuine: Authenticity is key in any attraction. 

Be true to yourself, express your genuine thoughts and opinions. And don’t try to pretend to be someone you’re not. 

Sapiosexuals are often drawn to individuals who are intellectually confident and comfortable being themselves.

Emphasize Emotional Intelligence: While sapiosexuals are primarily attracted to intelligence, they also appreciate emotional intelligence. 

Show empathy, active listening, and the ability to connect on an emotional level. 

Demonstrate that you understand and value emotions as an essential aspect of human connection.

Remember, attraction is subjective. And what appeals to one sapiosexual may not resonate with another. 

These tips should serve as general guidance. 

But it’s essential to connect on a personal level and genuinely appreciate each other’s unique qualities.

How to tell someone you’re dating that you are sapiosexual? 

Usually this is the part where I give you a list of ‘do this’, or ‘don’t do that’ that should normally guide you through how to tell someone you’re dating that you’re sapiosexual. 

But this time I decided to take a different approach and give you a clearer picture and sort of a script that you can use if you think it suits you. 

At least it will give you ideas on what to actually say. 

Alright, picture this: You’re sipping on your favorite beverage, sitting with your date, and engaging in some light-hearted banter. 

The moment feels right, and you’ve decided it’s time to reveal a little secret about yourself. You take a deep breath, put on a mischievous grin, and say:

“Hey, you know what? I’ve got a confession to make. Brace yourself, because this is going to blow your mind. I, my dear, am sapiosexual. Yes, you heard it right, sapiosexual!”

Cue exaggerated gasps and theatrical suspense.

They might look at you with a perplexed expression, their curiosity piqued. Seizing the opportunity, you continue:

“You see, I’m not just attracted to a pretty face or a hot bod. Nah, that’s too mainstream for me. What really turns me on is intelligence! Yeah, baby, give me some stimulating conversations, a dash of wit, and a sprinkle of intellectual curiosity, and I’m yours!”

Throw in a cheeky wink for added effect.

At this point, they might burst into laughter or give you a puzzled look. So, you explain further:

“I mean, who needs a conventional checklist of physical attributes when you can have a mind-blowing mental connection? Forget about abs, it’s all about those neural pathways firing up!”

Gesture with your hands like fireworks exploding in the air.

And then, you bring it home with a touch of lightheartedness:

“So, my dear, if you’re up for some brainy banter, stimulating discussions, and a whole lot of mental seduction, then you’re in the right place. Get ready to have your intellect swooned like never before!”

Give them a playful nudge or a high-five to seal the deal.

Remember, the key here is to approach the topic with a lighthearted and humorous tone, making it feel like a delightful revelation rather than something too serious. 

Gauge their reaction and be ready to explain further if they have any questions or if they’re genuinely interested in understanding what sapiosexuality means to you.


Our mission is to help couples experience more love, joy, and connection.

© Copyright Better Topics 2024.  Design & Web Development by Wesrom Corporation

+1 840 841 25 69