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How to get over a breakup: 20 Realistic Tips

Breakup is never easy regardless of who’s fault it is. If you’ve recently gone through a breakup and are wondering how to get over it, here are a few realistic tips that are sure to help you get you out of a rut and look at life with fresh eyes and a healed heart. 

Without dragging this on, here are the tips: 

  1. Cut off any contact, or possibility of contact. It is easier if you don’t have a way of reaching out, as you might use it if desperate enough. So block them everywhere, delete their number and unfollow them on all platforms that you’re using. If you’re still struggling, then also unfollow common friends so there is no chance of you seeing posts or pictures with or about them. 

It’s like keeping sweets at home when you’re on a diet. It is so much easier to eat clean if you don’t have any sweets or snacks at home when you’re serious about your weight improvement journey, or trying to be healthier. 

Don’t just try… actually do it! 

  1. Do a  Relationship Healing Meditation. More and more people turn to meditation as a healing solution. And they do it because, guess what?! IT WORKS! 

There are many relationship healing meditations out there.

Give it a go and whilst you’re at it, you’ll also be cleaning your energy from all past negative relationships. Get yourself ready for your next relationship, filled with love and amazing moments. 

  1. Meditate regularly. This is slightly different than the previous one, as in you’re not focusing on healing anymore, but on yourself and your future goals. Try to meditate regularly as this helps ground you better and work through emotions easier and help you re-focus on yourself. 

  1. Talk to someone. Either a friend you trust, or family. Maybe even a professional? They are more equipped to help and also might have some interesting recommendations of how to get over it quickly and without too much suffering. Even if the person you’re talking to cannot really help, just by getting it out there and venting can release a lot of pressure and help you heal quicker. It is always better to put it out there than keeping it bottled up. Bottled up emotions always resurface one way or the other, and most times… it’s not nice!

  1. Read a book about recovery after a breakup. I used to roll my eyes when I used to get this advice after a breakup. However once I ACTUALLY read a book about breakup, it made a lot of sense. First of all I realized that I am not the only one going through the same emotions, and that was a relief. 

Secondly, I’ve got some very useful tools and ways to get over a breakup and not get stuck in past and negative emotions just because one relationship didn’t work out as I fantasized it would. 

And thirdly, it helped me realize that my breakup was actually ok, compared to what other people are going through. I’m not saying this to put other people down, or the experiences they have, I’m just saying it because what might seem to us like the end of the world, others are going through worse. And that just shows us that we are indeed stronger than we think, and we can go through emotional episodes and come out on the other side, ready to love again. 

  1. Read a book about karma, and past lives. Whilst we’re at reading books, it might be worth reading a book on past lives and karma. I’m not trying to get you into witchcraft or anything. But it might open your eyes a little bit and help you understand why certain things happen and how we can deal with them better. It might sound a bit cryptic, but trust me on this, it will help you.

Whether past lives are real or not, is a different discussion. But I’ve heard of many people who have found relief in finding out more about them, as it explained many things for them in this life. Ultimately, they stopped blaming others and themselves for what they are going through and started actually dealing with it. 

  1. Feel it! Allow yourself to feel the hurt! A lot of trauma comes from stored emotions that we were too scared to feel at the time of occurrence. Hence allow yourself to feel the hurt, feel the pain, and move through it slowly and carefully. If you’re too scared to do it, you can ask for help, or you can also do it in steps. It’s like getting into a very cold lake. If you take baby steps, you’ll find that before you know it, you’re swimming in it and you’re ok. 

Similarly to a cold lake… you will also come out of it feeling fresh and reinvigorated. 

  1. Release it!  Once you’ve felt the emotion and realize that you’ve lived through it, you will be ready to actually release it. The more you try to hold on to it, the bigger the chance for it to transform in emotional baggage. And nobody wants to carry that into a new relationship, right? 

I mean, the only thing it will do is to weigh YOU down in the future. Let’s leave the past things and people where they belong… in the past! 

  1. Buy yourself flowers… REGULARLY! Or treat yourself regularly to something other than sweets and food. The more you get used to doing something nice for yourself, the more your mood will be lifted and you will not settle for anything less in your next relationship. The point of this exercise is to get used to feeling more of the good feeling you want to experience in your next relationship. 

Learn to love yourself first, otherwise how would others love you? 

  1. Take yourself on a date! Not sure what to do alone? There are actually many things you can do. We’re waaayyyy past the times when it was awkward to dine alone. You can people-watch, fully enjoy the food and a dessert as well, or even take a book with you and read if you want. The point is that you don’t need to stay locked in your house or room, if you’ve broken up with someone. You should still enjoy life. 

  1. Create a goal’s list for yourself. All those things that you didn’t do, or you have postponed because you dedicated a lot of time to the other person, NOW you get to do them all. There are so many things that people in a relationship cannot really do, unless they want to hurt their partner’s feelings. You do not get to do all of those things. Like picking up someone in the most random place, or way. Or go out and grab a drink with that one friend that your ex was always jealous of. Maybe even just go on a day trip, or a weekend away. When in a relationship, you always have to keep in mind your partner’s schedule too. But when you’re single, you can just pack up and go at a moment’s notice. 

  1. Give it some time. Sometimes it is just best to take one day at a time and allow yourself the time and space to heal. I know it might not feel like it, especially if the breakup happened recently, but trust me, this too shall pass. It is quite unrealistic for your to expect to bounce back and heal within 1 day of a breakup. So don’t be harsh on yourself and give it some time. 

Take each day as it comes, and focus mostly on the good things and the funny side of life. Even if you feel like you will never laugh again… when things are funny enough… you will definitely laugh! 

  1. Make a list of the reasons why the breakup was actually a good thing. Although it might not seem like it in the beginning, once some time has passed, you will see the other side of the coin too. Sometimes we cannot see what a blessing a breakup was until later on. 

I mean, now that I am with the most amazing partner I could ever ask for, I am sooooo happy for all those breakups I had to go through, because otherwise I might never have met Robert, who’s my amazingly loving husband. 

So thank your ex for making space for an amazing partner who can come and love you the way you deserve! 

  1. Make another list of the things you want in your next relationship AND what you definitely don’t want. Even if you’re not a list-making person, you should definitely DO THIS LIST. Now that you’ve been through one, or more, relationships, through one, or more breakups, you should have a better idea of what it is that you actually want in a relationship.

Write all of it down, either on a piece of paper, or on your phone, or laptop, or wall, or wherever you want. Just WRITE IT down! Once you have your list everything will fall into place easier and it will help you, at least, not to lose any precious time with people that it is clear that are not good for you. Another tip in writing your list is that it doesn’t have to have a limit. 

When I wrote mine I had around 21 points, and my husband’s list had around 36. So it really is up to you what you want to experience in your next relationship. 

But be very careful how you are wording it as you will get EXACTLY what you are asking for! 

  1. Forgive yourself AND your ex. Hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. It might not be easy, and it might not come straight away to you, but the sooner you release the hate and hurt, the sooner you can move on and not allow your ex to have any impact on your life anymore. 

As long as you still hate them… they’re still in your life. It is a common mis-belief that hate is the opposite of love. Actually it is indifference!

Because when you love someone and when you hate someone, they still have an impact on you and your life. Whereas when you’re indifferent, they’re truly out of your life. 

  1. Write it down. All the memories you’ve had together, all the nice and not so nice moments too. Write everything down. Our brains are quite strange, as it is not trying to make us happy, but only help us survive. If you attach strong emotions to a person, your brain will do whatever it can to keep the memory alive.

Therefore if you write it down, your brain won’t ‘panic’ that you might forget the memory. It can rest assured that it is noted somewhere, and it doesn’t need to circulate it, in constant loops. You’ll find that you’ll think less and less about your ex and the breakup. 

  1. Surround yourself with friends. YOUR friends only and do something fun together. Just because you’re not in a relationship anymore, it doesn’t mean you cannot have fun anymore. So what if your friends are all married, or in a relationship? You can still have fun with them and there are so many things that you guys can do together. 

Maybe they can help you find someone new and who will treat you better. Just make sure to give them your list so they know what you’re looking for. 

  1. Exercise. It helps you feel better. As you move your body, endorphins get released. And you get to feel better at least physically. Trust me… it helps a loooot more than ice cream does! By the end of it you will thank yourself you’ve done it. 

Whenever I used to be angry I used to do a bit of kickboxing with a boxing bag at the gym. I used to feel sooo good after releasing my anger and rage at it! And I also got a really good workout of it, instead of binge eating and punishing my body for what I’ve gone through. It’s not your body’s fault, so you shouldn’t punish it and yourself for a breakup.

Take care of yourself and once you will be ready to meet a new person, you’ll thank yourself for taking the time to exercise. 

  1. Volunteer to surprise someone with something nice. Sometimes helping others helps us realize that, the breakup aside, we’re actually quite blessed and we still have many things to be grateful for. 

Yes, a breakup can be quite harsh, but it really isn’t the end of the world. You still have your health, your friends and family and your life really. 

Others have a lot less than you do, and sometimes reminding ourselves of this can help us really be grateful and move on. 

  1. Write a letter to your ex. Express all the hurt, all the anger and any other emotions you’re feeling towards them. Everything that you’re sorry for, everything that hurts and upsets you. Everything that you feel you could not tell anyone. 

Then set it on fire or tear it up. 

You’ve released your emotions.

 Now it is time to move on and live YOUR life, the way YOU want! 

Conclusion

There are many things that you can do after a breakup to bounce back, and be even happier, healthier and more determined to have the most amazing life. 

Although it might hurt for a while, a breakup can teach us a lot once we’re ready to analyse it and draw a lesson from it. 

You will live through it and you will definitely find someone who will treat you a whole lot better. 

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