Should I Get a Divorce?
Divorce can be quite scary, daunting and draining. Nobody really wants to do it. It is draining of both energy and resources.
And you certainly never think of it when you first start a relationship and get to marry your partner.
Unless you sign a prenup. Even then, you do it with the hopes that you won’t ever need to use it.
Of course I am talking about a love marriage. And not one where at least one party does it only for the material benefits that they will gain in a case of a divorce. Those are the exceptions.
I’m talking about the general rule here.
The general rule is that we meet someone. We are falling in love. We get married and we live happily ever after.
The reality however is different at times.
The reasons why this happens are endless. They start from being too young and not knowing what we want, to being caught in the spell of a narcissistic person. Who seemed to be a totally different person in the beginning. The number of reasons as to why a relationship fails can be as many as the number of actual divorces and breakups out there.
Generally speaking, when someone considers a divorce, it means things got quite bad. Either they lost trust, love, or even their own sense of safety.
Before going on on this topic, I just want to mention that if you’re wondering ‘Should I get a divorce?’ because of physical or psychological abuse, then the answer is ALWAYS yes!
Abuse should never be accepted in any way in any type of relationship!
Now let’s get back to other possible causes for divorce.
If you’re in a point where you’re wondering: ‘Should I divorce my wife?’ or ‘Should I divorce my husband?’
Then the one last step you should do, before ‘pulling the trigger’ as they say, is to take a relationship course.
Before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out. I’m not talking about a 30 minute short summary that some might call a course and that’s it, you’re done.
I am talking about a serious relationship course. One that has been developed by someone who has been working with couples. And has many studies in the field. Most importantly, someone who has some strategies that have been proven by their own research.
I am talking about a course where all the concepts of a relationship, like communication), are taught one by one.
A proper relationship improving course is so much more than a book. And that coming from someone like me, who loves to read, says quite a lot.
It is basically teaching you everything you need to know about relationships. All the things that we never got to actually learn in school or from our parents and carers. All the tools that we should, ideally, know how to use from the very beginning of the relationship.
You get to literally be hand held through a course by someone with vast knowledge on the subject. And a person who you can always turn to for advice. Or if it is unclear how to exactly apply certain principles in real life situations.
When Should You Get a Divorce
If you’re wondering when should you get a divorce, let me tell you that there never is a good time, or a bad time.
It all depends on you and your partner. It depends on the exact situation you guys are in. If you truly feel, in your heart, that you’ve done everything you could, to save your marriage.
In my humble opinion of having worked with many couples, I can tell you that regardless of what people say, a divorce is never easy.
Even if you end up in a point where you seriously can’t stand your spouse anymore, a divorce still takes a toll on you emotionally.
Hence why it is worth one last try. That one last thing you do before throwing in the towel and actually getting a divorce.
And in the, unlikely, situation that this won’t help either, at least you get to walk away knowing that you literally tried everything. And that there wasn’t anything left from what started off as a relationship with great potential.
There’s nothing worse than wondering and keeping this open loop in your brain around whether you did the right thing by getting a divorce, or that should’ve you tried one last time?
It is always a lot better to try it one last time and then you will definitely have your answer.
Methods that have been trialed on real people, with real problems and real relationship issues. And not just some theories that someone just thought of. Or some theories that people who aren’t even in a relationship came up with.
These are real-life solutions that WORK!
10 things you learn in a relationship course?
- Developing effective communication skills to improve the relationship
I know you might think that you know how to communicate. And the issue is your partner because they are not listening to you. But this course is for the both of you.
So both of you can re-learn how to communicate effectively. That means speaking the right words, understanding the way our partner receives things and actually hears them, and listening. And I mean actually listening to what they’re saying and asking questions if we’re not clear.
And most importantly, not assuming ANYTHING! Asking instead to clarify what is not clear is always better!
- Learning to identify and express needs, wants and expectations
We are creating our own misery. Mainly because we don’t accept certain things that happened in the past, or are happening right now.
We can influence this if we know how to clearly identify what our needs, wants and expectations are. And express these in a way that our partner understands them.
And also do the same with our partner: actually listening to what their needs are and wants.
- Understanding the differences between expectations and reality
At times we’ve all been caught in this trap where we think that our partner’s should already know what we want. Or they should guess. Or even that it is common sense.
Flash News! Common sense is not that common. And everybody filters everything around them via their own past experiences, personality, maybe even traumas. So only then they formulate an answer or behaviour in a specific situation.
And all of this happens in a split second.
So you can understand how important it is to understand the difference between expectations and reality.
- Knowing how to manage emotions during conflicts
This was quite a tough one for me personally. I used to raise my voice and act out during a conflict, in my past relationships.
In my current one we only had 2 actual big fights and they both happened before our wedding, and they were related to the wedding.
My husband actually sat me down and explained that if I don’t learn to control my emotions and actually have a discussion when there are issues he is ready to walk away.
It was the first time I had to actually manage my emotions and use words to express anger, frustration and any other feelings I had during conflicts.
Let met tell you, it wasn’t easy, but having someone guide you through them can save you years of learning on your own.
After a good 5+ years to learn that properly and even now I am not 100% there and still act out at times.
But with the right guidance and principles you can shortcut that to days, or weeks of learning and get faster to the juicy part of a relationship.
- Developing trust and commitment
For some, trust is just as quick and easy as a decision. For others it can be a whole process that they have to go through, especially if that trust has been broken a few times.
I have decided early on that I trust my husband and I know that he does too. That doesn’t mean that we’re not careful at times. Just that we would rather spend our time together focusing on the positives of our relationship rather than uselessly, and without having proof, stressing about what might or might not happen.
I know quite a few people in my own circle of friends who are dealing with jealousy. The only issue is that they actually don’t know how to develop trust in a healthy way.
This is yet another issue that a relationship course can help with!
- Practicing respect and understanding
I know you heard of the phrase ‘Respect is earned, not given’. However, even giving respect needs to be practiced.
It is not something that all of us know how to ‘just do’. Simply because there are certain things that to some might seem quite disrespectful, whereas for us, or others, might seem totally normal.
Understanding what others mean by respect and disrespect makes a whole lot of difference. And there’s an effective way of doing that!
- Discovering how to work through disagreements
Disagreements will most definitely arise in any relationship, never mind in a romantic relationship and marriage. But it is how you work through them that counts.
Are you going to work through it for a few days and come out on the other side and be happier than before and more loving?
Or are you going to emerge all wounded and left with battle scars that might never heal?
The thing here is not all disagreements can be worked through with the exact same tools. Whilst some might tend to repeat, there might be some situations where we need some very specific ones.
A hammer and a saw are good when building a house, but you certainly will need more tools than just those two.
- Creating an environment of mutual support
There is nothing more amazing in a relationship than feeling fully supported by your partner in everything. .
And this too, is a process.
I know by now you might be horrified as to how much work needs to be done to have a great relationship, but trust me, it is not that hard.
It just takes a bit of time and dedication. But it definitely is not hard. Especially when you know exactly what to do, and also people to support you through it, like you do when taking a relationship course and also have a community around you for support.
- Understanding how to manage stress in the relationship
Our partner is NOT our punching bag. Whether the stress we feel is or not created by them, we should still learn to manage it properly. And also work on ways, together, on how to eliminate it entirely.
We might get stressed and our partner might not even realize. Simply because they might be of a different personality, or just because their stress threshold is higher.
Again, when you know how to do it, managing your stress in a relationship can be super easy. It will give you some simple ways to do it that you might not even believe how simple they are.
- Learning how to create a positive and fulfilling relationship.
I have a very strong belief that anyone can have an amazing relationship if they are willing to put in the effort.
What I used to think is a lot of effort and constant work, are just a few sessions that can give you tools that you can use, very easily and effectively.
With just a few hours of a very well thought out course, you can literally turn around your situation from wondering ‘Should I get a divorce?’ to ‘I love this person and our relationship is the most amazing it’s ever been!’.
7 Reasons why you should listen to a relationship expert if you’re wondering whether should you get a divorce
- A relationship expert can provide valuable insights and advice about the complexities of relationships.
We tend to have horse goggles (glasses) when it comes to relationships. And we only know about relationships from what we’ve experienced and from what we might have seen in others’ relationships around us. But a relationship expert works with hundreds or even thousands of people.
You can only imagine the vast experience they have and the diversity of issues they’ve seen and had to help couples through.
It took them years, decades even to get all this experience. And you can benefit from their wisdom by taking a relationship course with them, packed with all that super useful information.
- A relationship expert is trained to help you navigate the challenges of relationships, so you can have a more fulfilling and successful one.
How many of us are guilty of listening to our friends or family members when it comes to advice on how to deal with things within our relationships?
I know I would raise both my hands as I definitely have done this, in the past, quite a few times.
But not anymore. Now I know better!
I’ve learnt the hard way that, although most of the advice I would get is well-meaning, they actually had no idea what they were talking about.
And their advice came from a one sided opinion, paired with personal traumas and opinions, and, sometimes unintentionally, sprinkled with some egocentric solutions as well.
Therefore their advice would only aggravate the issue in the relationship instead of helping fix it.
Hence why a relationship expert would be quite objective towards the situation and is literally trained to help you with relationship issues.
I mean they are the EXPERT, at the end of the day.
- A relationship expert can help you identify and address any issues that may be causing problems in your relationship.
Sometimes we’re so involved in the relationship and our feelings that we might not even see what the real issue is.
Especially if the problem is with us. That’s when we really tend not to notice.
But a third person, who has no emotional connection to you, your partner or the relationship as a whole, can identify exactly what the issues are and how to solve them. Be super objective whilst doing it. And also be kind and give exact steps that can be taken towards a happy outcome.
- A relationship expert can provide valuable tips and strategies to help you communicate better in your relationship.
Relationship experts have seen it all, and they do have their ‘bag of tools’ full of tips and exact strategies that can actually help you communicate better.
It can be anything from just wording something differently, to giving you exact tips of what you could do to improve your relationship. And they can also help you tailor these to suit your specific needs.
- A relationship expert can help you identify unhealthy behaviors in your relationship, and provide advice on how to address them.
Alongside solutions, an expert can really point out some unhealthy behaviors that you might’ve just thought are harmless.
It might be a bit challenging at first, but they can help with ways of how to address these changes.
There are many, seemingly unimportant, behaviors that we tend to have and that hurt our relationships, without us even realizing.
But a trained ‘eye’ like a relationship expert, can point them out and also provide solutions.
- A relationship expert can help you gain a better understanding of yourself, your partner, and how to work together to create a healthier relationship.
Working with a relationship expert, you literally shortcut years of learning on your own.
I know it took me years of reading books, taking various courses and a loooooot of trial and error to understand some techniques those books were about.
You can literally just learn and you also have someone explaining what it actually means. Get straight to the point. Get the exact answers and steps that are working, instead of too much fluff.
- A relationship expert can provide advice on how to resolve conflicts in a constructive and healthy way.
Shouting to be heard, smashing things, or simply leaving and ignoring your partner for a day or a week do not effectively solve a conflict.
It actually doesn’t solve anything. It just aggravates the situation.
A relationship expert is literally qualified to help you with advice on how to resolve conflict. And actually solve it… unlike your group of friends who anyway have a biased opinion on things, and very little knowledge of their own on how to manage conflict.
Is It Time To End The Marriage?
If you’ve gone through a proper relationship course and your marriage is still broken beyond repair, then divorce might actually be the final answer!
At least you can now rest assured that you have tried everything you could and it just wasn’t meant for the two of you.
Although you might not feel like it is a good thing in the beginning. Once your wounds are starting to heal you will realize that the best thing you can do, for yourself, is to know that you have tried literally everything and it still didn’t work out.
And this should be your only criteria when deciding whether you should do it or not!
It should never be because of other people, or times of year, or because of ‘What others will say’.
Although we celebrate getting married with many of our friends and family, we don’t necessarily need to advertise getting a divorce. And certainly, outside opinions should not influence the decision to get divorced.
So, have you really done everything you could to save the relationship?
These days people throw away things very easily. Not many try to fix them. And whilst many objects are actually not built to last, a relationship is different. It is an organic thing that tends to evolve together with us, the two partners in that relationship. And if we’re taking proper care of it, it can last us a whole lifetime… or longer 🙂
Interestingly enough, a fixed relationship can actually outlast any new relationships. Because just changing the partner, but not the habits might result in the same ending.
Hence why taking a relationship course is super beneficial. In the event that you decide that you still want to go through with a divorce, at least you learnt some new amazing skills that you can now use in a new relationship from the very beginning.
BUT, you might just fix the one you have and have the most amazing marriage. More amazing than you could ever imagine.
We now have such a course amongst the Better Topics Products and you can start investing in your relationship and working straight away to fix it and have the most amazing marriage for the both of you!
Are you ready to take this one last step before making a decision that will change your life significantly for the better?
