Most articles on how to be romantic to your wife, husband, or significant other, will urge you to do some crazy stuff. Or to buy gifts that they might like. 

Which is not entirely wrong. But wouldn’t it be better to either do something that your partner would actually appreciate? Or a gift that they would actually like? 

Instead of trying out 100 different ways to be romantic as a man or a woman, wouldn’t it be easier to have just 3 steps that you can apply to any relationship? 

But let’s start with the beginning! 

What is romance

According to Wikipedia: ‘Romance or romantic love is a feeling of love for, or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.’

Basically the relationship between two people who really like each other. They typically spend a lot of time together connecting. And are physically attracted to each other plus the courting that THAT involves too. 

Now where the romance begins and friendship ends is a whole other discussion. Many times they go hand in hand. Which is even better. 

Isn’t it wonderful to actually be super good friends with your partner? Alongside the passion and love that you have for each other? 

But romance as we see it today, is more about the behaviour we have towards our partner than anything else. It is about the way we actually show them that we love them. That they mean a lot to us. 

In this article I will give you 3 simple steps on how to be romantic to your wife, husband, partner or significant other. 

One thing that annoys me a loooot on the internet is that a lot of people have so many ‘ideas’ on how to be romantic as a woman, or even as a man. But most of those ideas don’t apply to everyone. 

What’s the point in going through 50 or a 100 ways to be more romantic if most of them don’t even apply to you or your relationship? 

What is the point in having a list with 1000! ways to be more romantic if they are all in a different love language than your partner’s? 

I’m always browsing for ideas on how to be more romantic towards my husband. But these past few days I got really fed up with all these lists!

I mean, yeah, they’re a good starting point, but from a list with 50 to 100 ways to be romantic to a man, maybe 3 or 4 are actually doable, or things that we would both enjoy. 

I’ve seen a list where at least 5 points were about a picnic, either in a park, or beach, or walking on a beach, or horseback riding ON A BEACH!

And whilst I really love summer and the seaside… I’m nowhere near the sea right now. 

Wintery ideas of going skiing or snowboarding are not really good options either as I’m not close to any high mountains. And it hasn’t been snowing in quite a few years… 

So what are we left with? 

Well… with the three steps I will talk about in a minute!  These steps will save you every time you want to do something for your partner, but are not sure what. So that they will also enjoy it and like it! 

They have certainly saved me, and continue saving me every time I don’t know how to show my husband that I love him. 

Why romance is not just for Valentine’s Day 

Valentine’s Day and romanticism shouldn’t be only once a year! 

Before you start jumping up and down telling me that you don’t have time to always think about your partner or relationship. Or that you have so many other things on your mind that this is not even on the list… 

Let me tell you this: If you don’t put your relationship in the top priorities on your list, don’t be surprised if it ends one day. 

I’m not saying that you should allocate all your waking hours towards your relationship, unless you really want to. 

But if you don’t carve out 1 to 2 hours per WEEK, at least, for your partner and time spent exclusively together, then your relationship is doomed! 

Yes, there might be more hectic periods than others. And that’s ok as long as this doesn’t become a habit. Times where you don’t even look at your partner anymore as your significant other, as the person who loves you and chooses to be with you should not be the norm. 

There are 168 hours in a week. And whilst you obviously need to sleep, eat, work and do other things, first make sure that you carve out a minimum of 1 to 2 hours of uninterrupted time only for you and your partner. 

Book this in your calendar if you need to. And invite your partner to the event as well. 

Make it a date night only for the 2 of you. 

There are so many things you can do together to actually appreciate your partner and be more romantic as a woman, or as a man. 

Not just on Valentine’s Day! But every week. 

Because a relationship is not built only one day a year, but yearound! 

And the most amazing thing is that building a great relationship is not hard. And it can be a loooot of fun if it’s done right. 

Why most romantic ideas don’t work 

One of the main reasons why most romantic ideas don’t work is because the romantic gesture is not received as it is intended. 

We all expect different things from other people. Especially from our partners. We assume they know us and they should already know what we like. 

Which is quite tricky, considering how often we change our minds. 

Let me explain further! 

For example, my husband might come home and would want to have a romantic walk in the city and have a conversation. In theory it sounds like a good romantic gesture. However I might not be in the mood. I might just want to snuggle up. Or maybe I would consider the walk as tedious, instead of romantic. So I would reject the idea and my husband would end up frustrated because he finds the idea quite romantic. 

Which leads me to my next idea: 

What is your partner’s love language?

Not sure if you’ve heard about the 5 love languages before but this is something that you definitely need to know! 

The main idea of it is that we all love and perceive love in different ways. And there are 5 main ways. 

We all have a combination of all 5, but we have 1 or 2 that are the main ways on how we tend to love and perceive love. 

The 5 love languages are:

1. Physical Touch – People who have this as their main love language feel most loved when they are touched, held, caressed and so on.
2. Quality Time – People who have this as their main love language feel most loved when they spend quality time with their partners. Either doing something together, or playing together, or even traveling and having a great conversation. 
3. Acts of Service – People with this as their main love language feel more love when something is done for them. Like getting the car washed, the laundry done, a meal cooked, or even the car gas topped up. 
4. Words of affirmation – Those who have this as their love language feel loved the most when they are told that they’re loved, that they’re amazing and appreciated with words 
5. Gifts – People with this love language as their main one feel most loved when they receive gifts. They don’t necessarily need to be expensive. But they do have to be thoughtful. 

Again we all have all 5 of these love languages. Just some of them are more important to us than others. And this is where it gets super interesting. 

Whilst one partner might have 1 love language, the other might have a different one. And that’s ok, because we’re all very different people and with different personalities, upbringings and so on. 

For example my main love language is Physical Touch. So I feel most loved when I’m touched, caressed and held. I love being hugged (not by everyone), but by the important people in my life. And that’s when I feel most loved. 

That doesn’t mean that I won’t appreciate flowers once in a while. Or a piece of jewelry or any other type of gift. 

My husband’s love language is Quality Time. Whilst he also enjoys acts of service, like tasty food being cooked for him, he feels most loved when we do something together. This sometimes is actually cooking together, or playing a game, or even doing a puzzle together.

As long as we connect and also have a great conversation, he feels like it is quality time spent together and that fills his love tank. 

How to find out your partner’s love language? 

Well, this is quite easy. 

You need to listen to what your partner is complaining about the most in your relationship. That will give you a clue. What is it that they are asking you to do? What do they wish for? 

If that is not clear enough, then just ask them questions like: ‘When did you feel most loved as a kid?’ or ‘If there would be one thing that I could do to make you feel more loved, what would it be?’ 

And your partner will most likely answer with their first love language first, and only then the rest. 

If you want to be 100% sure that you got it right, you can also take a Love Language Quiz. And ask your partner to do it too. 

There are many websites that offer this quiz for free and here is a link, but first make sure you read the rest of this article and only then take the quiz. 

Why do love languages matter? 

The love languages matter quite a lot because no matter what you’re choosing to do to be more romantic, if that is not in line with your partner’s love language… it’s very likely that they won’t appreciate it to the degree that you expect them to. 

And it won’t have the desired effect on them. 

It will most likely backfire and can also lead to more frustration on your partner’s side. Because they feel like you’re not listening to them. And on your side, because you don’t understand why the thing you did wasn’t good enough. 

So whether you want to get your partner a gift, or you’ve thought about some lovely romantic words to tell them… first make sure you’re following these 3 steps. 

They are sure to help you when you need it and get you the results you want. 

3 easy steps to being romantic 

3 Easy steps to always be romantic and ACTUALLY mean it: 

1. Find out what your love language is

As mentioned before, finding out your love language is quite easy and super important. Don’t skip this step. 

It will help you understand why you’re showing love in certain ways. 

Another thing it will help you with is understand yourself better and let your partner know how you want to be loved. 

Also,it will also make a lot of sense to you why many times the ways your partner is showing love towards you is different than the way you show it, especially if your love languages are different. 

2. Find out what your partner’s love language is 

This will ensure what you know, you have the shortcut that bypasses all the guessing when it comes to being more romantic. 

Once you know how your partner perceives love everything else will just be soooo much easier. 

For example, my husband and I have a weekly date night. And once in a while I will organize something, or he will. 

Even in the instance where I had a super busy week and I literally forgot to prepare something for our date night, I know that as long as we spend quality time together, he will feel loved. 

3. Think of at least 10 things that you can do to show her love in the way your partner perceives it 

Now that you know what your love language is and your partner’s as well, you can actually make your own personalized list of things you can do to be more romantic. 

This list will be super effective as it caters directly to your partner’s love language and you can combine it with yours as well. 

It’s like having your go to quick recipe for a romantic session with your partner, that they are sure to love and appreciate you for. 

Instead of going through a list of 100 ways to be romantic you can create 10 ways that are truly suitable for your partner, relationship and you as well. 

Be romantic effectively

Now, whilst you’re creating your super personalized list of things you can do be more romantic, I have one more word of advice for you:

Stay with the things that you know how to do! 

What’s the point in preparing food if you really don’t know and don’t like to do it? 

Yes! It might be a good point just to show you care. But unless you are also ready to clean the whole kitchen… properly… right after cooking… then don’t do it. 

Some people think that the gesture is what counts. But if that gesture just creates additional chores for your partner later on… then, trust me, they won’t appreciate it. Even if it’s in their love language. 

My mother-in-law has an amazing saying: let the experts do their job! 

If you’re not good at cooking just leave it! Let experts do it for you. And you can show love in another way. But remember to use your partner’s love language. 

Again, you don’t have to do something crazy to show your partner that you’re romantic. 

It’s the daily small love gestures that count, not the 1 time big- event/surprise that happens once a year! 

Therefore, whether you’re getting a gift, preparing some sweet words, or just a good massage session, make sure that you’re ‘talking’ your partner’s main love language.