Welcome to Part 2 of our deep dive into the 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers.
If you’ve already read Part 1, you know that growing up with a narcissistic mother can leave lasting effects, like constantly apologizing, downplaying your achievements, or feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness.
But we’re not stopping there!
In this article, we’ll cover the final five symptoms, including why decision-making feels impossible, why love sometimes feels too easy to be real, and how boundaries can feel like a crime.
If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, make sure to check it out first to understand the full picture.
Otherwise, let’s jump into the second half of this list, and more importantly, how to start breaking free from these patterns.
Because healing starts with awareness, but it doesn’t stop there.
6. You Struggle to Make Decisions (Even Small Ones!)
Someone asks, “What do you want for dinner?” and suddenly, it’s an existential crisis.
Your brain short-circuits as if the fate of the entire evening depends on your answer.
Do you pick what you actually want?
What if they don’t like your choice?
What if you make the wrong decision and ruin the entire night?
Before you know it, you blurt out the safest response: “I don’t mind! You choose.”
If this sounds like you, there’s a good chance decision-making was never really your territory growing up.
In a household with narcissistic mother traits, making choices often felt like walking through a minefield.
No matter what you picked, it was questioned, ignored, or used against you later.
Maybe you were told your choice was stupid and that you should pick something else.
Or perhaps you finally made a decision, only for it to be overruled because “Mom knows best.”
And if you were lucky enough to have your choice stick, you were later reminded of how wrong you were when things didn’t go perfectly.
After years of this, you learned that making decisions wasn’t worth the stress.
It was just easier to let someone else choose, less risk, less blame, and, most importantly, less drama.
Now, even tiny decisions feel like high-stakes dilemmas.
Picking a restaurant feels overwhelming, choosing a new hobby is paralyzing (what if you’re terrible at it?), and deciding on a career move?
Might as well have a full-blown panic attack.
You second-guess yourself constantly, overthink things to the point of inaction, and feel like you need permission before making any kind of move.
It’s exhausting, and worst of all, it keeps you stuck.
But here’s the truth: you’re not actually bad at making decisions, you were just taught to doubt yourself.
The good news?
You can unlearn this.
Start small.
Pick one decision each day, without overthinking it.
Choose a coffee order without asking for input.
Select a movie without scrolling for an hour.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
Most decisions aren’t as deep as they feel in the moment, and the wrong choice won’t send the universe into chaos.
Set a timer if you need to, sixty seconds, make a choice, and stick with it.
And if you find yourself spiraling into “What if?” territory, ask yourself, “What’s the absolute worst that could happen?”
Spoiler: it’s usually not that serious.
You are 100% capable of deciding what’s for dinner.
7. You Have an Overachiever Complex (And Still Feel Like You’re Not Enough)
You could be out there winning an Olympic gold medal, curing diseases, and running a Fortune 500 company, all before lunch, and still feel like you are somehow falling behind.
Your to-do list never seems to end, your schedule is packed tighter than a carry-on suitcase, and your goals are ambitious enough to make Mount Everest look like a speed bump.
And yet, no matter how much you accomplish, there’s still that nagging little voice whispering, Not good enough.
If this sounds familiar, congratulations, you might be an overachiever with a deeply ingrained validation addiction.
Growing up in a toxic mother-daughter relationship, praise was rare and always came at a cost.
Scoring a 98 on a test wasn’t impressive, it just made your mother ask, “Why not 100?” Winning something wasn’t a moment to celebrate, it was a challenge to do it again (but better).
Success was tolerated, but getting too proud of yourself?
Unacceptable.
If you ever let yourself feel accomplished, there was always a warning: Don’t get ahead of yourself.
So, like a good little overachiever, you learned that worth must be earned.
That love was something you had to hustle for.
That resting meant slacking, and that celebrating was pointless because there was always something bigger and better to achieve next.
Now, as an adult, you set impossible standards for yourself, equating productivity with self-worth.
If you aren’t constantly doing, you feel like you’re failing.
If you aren’t pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion, you feel lazy.
And if you do succeed?
Well, it doesn’t count because surely it was just luck.
The problem?
This overachiever mindset comes at a steep cost.
Burnout feels normal because you never slow down.
Imposter syndrome kicks in no matter what you accomplish.
The fear of failure looms so large that you avoid risks unless you know you’ll succeed.
Worst of all, your identity becomes tied to what you do, rather than who you are.
If you’re not constantly achieving something, then who even are you?
But here’s the truth: Your worth is not measured by your productivity.
You were enough before you ever checked a single box off a to-do list.
Breaking this cycle means learning to celebrate your wins instead of moving the goalpost.
It means letting “good enough” actually be good enough, because perfection is both exhausting and impossible.
Most importantly, it means allowing yourself to rest without guilt, because you do not need to earn your right to exist.
Your narcissistic mother’s expectations taught you that you had to work for love, but that was never true.
You were already enough, before you ever achieved a single thing.
8. You Feel Guilty for Wanting Boundaries
Saying “no” feels illegal, like you’re breaking some unspoken universal law.
As if at any moment, alarms will blare, and the Boundary Police will burst in to arrest you for daring to put yourself first.
You hesitate, overthink, and then, boom!… you cave.
Again.
Because if you grew up with narcissistic mother traits, boundaries weren’t just discouraged, they were treated like betrayals.
As a kid, any attempt to assert yourself was met with either guilt, shame, or full-blown emotional theatrics.
Asked for space?
“Oh, so now you’re too good for me?”
Expressed a personal preference?
“Wow, I guess I’m a terrible mother.” T
ried to state your needs?
“You’re so selfish and ungrateful!”
The message was clear: having boundaries = hurting people.
Fast forward to adulthood, and every time you even think about saying no, your brain freaks out.
You worry you’re being mean.
You panic about how the other person will react.
You fear rejection.
So instead of protecting your own peace, you overcommit, overextend, and over-apologize, even when you’re completely drained.
The real problem?
People get used to you having no boundaries.
They come to expect that you will always say yes, always be available, and always put their needs first.
And the longer this goes on, the harder it becomes to break the cycle.
But here’s the truth: setting boundaries does not make you selfish.
It makes you someone who finally recognizes that your energy, time, and mental well-being matter too.
Yes, guilt will show up at first, but guilt does not mean you’re doing something wrong.
It means you’re unlearning years of conditioning.
Start small.
Say “I can’t” without explaining why.
Take longer to reply to messages without apologizing.
Politely decline things you don’t actually want to do.
And most importantly, let people be uncomfortable.
Some won’t like your boundaries, especially if they benefited from you having none.
That’s their issue, not yours.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person.
It makes you someone who finally realizes that your needs matter, your energy is precious, and you are allowed to take up space, without apologizing for it.
9. You Downplay Your Achievements
You could win a Nobel Prize, and your first instinct would still be to shrug it off.
“Oh, it was nothing! Just got lucky, I guess.”
Compliments make you squirm.
Praise feels like an awkward hand-me-down sweater, something you’d rather not wear.
Instead of celebrating your successes, you minimize, deflect, and downplay.
Someone acknowledges your hard work?
You brush it off.
“Oh, it wasn’t a big deal.”
You accomplish something major?
You immediately focus on what’s next, secretly hoping no one makes a big fuss about it (but also, kind of wishing they would?).
This habit didn’t come out of nowhere.
If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, you learned early that success wasn’t exactly safe.
Whenever you achieved something, one of three things likely happened.
Either she took credit for it, “Of course you did well, I raised you!”, or she dismissed it entirely, “That’s nice, but it’s not that impressive.”
And if she was feeling particularly competitive, she turned it into a one-woman contest.
“Oh, you got a promotion? When I was your age, I was already doing XYZ.”
After enough of these moments, you internalized a dangerous lesson: staying small was easier.
If success meant conflict, jealousy, or being put back in your place, then why bother celebrating at all?
So now, as an adult, you hesitate to share good news.
You avoid the spotlight.
You struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling like a fraud even when you know you’ve worked hard.
And worst of all, you never feel quite good enough because you’ve been conditioned to believe that nothing you do is really that special.
But here’s the truth: your success is not a fluke.
It is not just luck, coincidence, or someone else’s doing.
It is you, your effort, your talent, your hard work.
The next time you catch yourself downplaying an achievement, pause.
Instead of dismissing praise, say “Thank you! I worked really hard on it.”
Yes, it might feel weird at first (like eating a salad when you really wanted fries), but keep at it.
Acknowledge your wins!
Let yourself celebrate, even the small stuff.
And most importantly, stop shrinking yourself just to make others comfortable.
You are allowed to take up space.
10. You’re on a Healing Journey (Even If You Don’t Realize It Yet)
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh wow, this is me,” then guess what?
You’re already healing.
You might not feel like it.
Maybe you still struggle with self-doubt, over-apologizing, or choosing the wrong people (been there).
But healing isn’t a single, dramatic breakthrough, it’s a series of small, quiet choices that add up over time.
It’s when you start noticing unhealthy patterns instead of blindly repeating them.
When you question that inner mean girl instead of believing every terrible thing she says.
When you feel guilty for setting a boundary but set it anyway.
When you catch yourself apologizing for no reason, and actually stop mid-sentence.
These tiny shifts?
They’re massive.
The tricky part is, healing is not a perfectly organized, step-by-step process.
Nobody wakes up one day and declares, “I am officially healed!”
Nope!
It’s messy, confusing, and full of unexpected emotional meltdowns in the grocery store parking lot.
Some days, you’ll feel unstoppable, like you’ve cracked the code to life.
Other days, you’ll slip into old habits and wonder if you’ve made any progress at all.
And sometimes, you’ll find yourself grieving the relationship with your mother that you wish you had.
None of this means you’re failing.
It just means you’re unlearning years of survival mechanisms and relearning what it means to exist without being on high alert.
It means you’re realizing that love isn’t something you have to earn and that peace doesn’t have to come with guilt.
It means you’re figuring out who you are beyond the coping strategies you developed as a child.
So how do you keep moving forward?
First, give yourself permission to heal, without explanation, without apology.
Let go of the fantasy of who your mother could have been and focus on becoming the person you need.
Surround yourself with people who see the real you, the ones who don’t make you feel like you have to perform for love.
And most importantly, celebrate every little win.
Not texting back your toxic ex?
That’s a win.
Saying “no” without a 15-minute explanation?
Another win.
Giving yourself grace on a bad day? Huge win.
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never struggle again.
It means that when old patterns creep in, you catch yourself before they take over.
It means showing up for yourself, even when it feels unnatural.
And most of all, it means recognizing that you are so much more than what you survived.
Conclusion
If these last five symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers felt painfully familiar, remember this: awareness is the first step to change!
The patterns you picked up weren’t your fault, but breaking free from them is within your control.
Learning to trust yourself, set boundaries without guilt, and accept love that doesn’t feel like a rollercoaster takes time, but it is possible.
Healing isn’t about perfection, it’s about small, consistent steps toward a healthier, more confident version of you.
One of the best ways to start rewiring your approach to relationships is through better communication, and that’s where the Better Topics Card Game for Couples comes in.
This replayable card game helps couples build deeper connections, improve communication, and keep their relationship fun and engaging.
Whether you’re working on opening up, setting boundaries, or just making sure your relationship stays playful, this game is a perfect tool to help you and your partner grow together.
If you missed Part 1 of this series, make sure to check it out for the first five symptoms and gain an even deeper understanding of how your upbringing may still be influencing you.
Your healing journey is just beginning, and you deserve a love that is safe, fulfilling, and free from the past.
