Today we’re talking about signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you… or is he?
Love and falling in love is not always straightforward. Many times it comes with all sorts of complications. Like being far away from each other, being at a different place in your lives where one is ready to commit and the other isn’t… And other emotions that get in the way of us being able to open up and just love each other.
In my dating experience, I’ve met quite a few people. And some of them had quite a strange behaviour… Where they would tell me how much they like me… but not really show it.
Even when they would show it… it always felt like they’re holding back.
It took me a while to understand that these men were simply emotionally unavailable.
Once I realized that’s the case I felt I could move on more easily. And without trying too much to make it work because I’ve finally understood that indeed it was them who had an issue.
What is an emotionally unavailable man?
An emotionally unavailable man is someone who is unable or unwilling to fully engage in emotional intimacy or connection with a partner.
This can manifest in a variety of ways. Such as being closed off or guarded, avoiding conversations about feelings or personal topics. Or even not expressing emotions in a way that is open and vulnerable.
It can be a result of various factors, such as past traumas or negative experiences, a fear of vulnerability or commitment, or simply a lack of emotional awareness or skill.
Relationships with emotionally unavailable men can be challenging and may require patience, understanding, and clear communication to navigate effectively. This is if you want to give it a try.
Can an emotionally unavailable man fall in love?
For the longest time I thought that an emotionally unavailable man cannot even fall in love.
But it seems like they actually can fall in love.
However, their ability to form and sustain a healthy, intimate relationship may be compromised by their emotional unavailability.
It’s possible for them to feel strong emotions and attachment to a partner. But they may struggle to express these feelings and form a deep emotional connection.
It’s important to understand that emotional unavailability is not a fixed trait. And with time and effort, an emotionally unavailable man may be able to develop greater emotional awareness and openness.
However, it’s ultimately up to the individual to acknowledge and work through their emotional barriers in order to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Meaning you cannot force someone to work through their emotional barriers they’ve built over time.
If you want to enter a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, you should arm yourself with a ton of patience… and then some more.
Can an emotionally unavailable man sustain a healthy relationship if he’s in love?
It is possible for an emotionally unavailable man to sustain a healthy relationship if he’s in love. But it may require significant effort and willingness to change.
Emotional unavailability can make it difficult to establish and maintain a deep emotional connection with a partner, which is a key component of a healthy relationship.
In order for a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man to be healthy, both partners need to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and emotions.
The emotionally unavailable man needs to be willing to work on developing greater emotional awareness and expressiveness, while the partner needs to be patient and supportive throughout this process.
It’s important to note that building a healthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable man may not always be possible, especially if the individual is resistant to change or has deep-seated emotional issues.
It’s up to each individual to decide whether or not they are willing and able to invest the time and energy required to make the relationship work. But if you decide to give it a go, understand that you will need a lot of patience and also get quite knowledgeable about relationships and how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man.
What are 10 common reasons why men struggle with intimacy, even if they’re in love?
There can be many reasons why emotionally unavailable men struggle with intimacy, even if they’re in love.
Here are 10 common reasons:
- Fear of vulnerability: Emotionally unavailable men may have a deep-seated fear of being vulnerable and opening up to others. This fear can make it difficult for them to fully engage in emotional intimacy.
Usually this comes from past experiences where they’ve done it in the past and they got hurt. So now they’re avoiding it at all costs.
- Past trauma: Previous experiences of rejection, betrayal, or emotional pain can make it hard for emotionally unavailable men to trust and connect with others.
Similar to the previous point, if they’ve been hurt in the past, they have built walls around themselves to feel protected and safe so they don’t get hurt again.
Many of us might have built walls around us to a certain extent, but emotionally unavailable men tend to go to extremes with this.
- Attachment issues: Emotionally unavailable men may have difficulty forming healthy attachment styles due to a lack of positive role models or experiences in childhood.
Some emotionally unavailable men just don’t know how to allow themselves to open up and be truly intimate with a person. Simply because they’ve never seen it done and have no idea how to do it.
Most things we learn about relationships comes from our parents and immediate family that we grew up with. So if in both of these groups they haven’t seen anyone being emotionally available, they don’t even know what that looks like.
- Fear of losing independence: Emotionally unavailable men may prioritize their independence and freedom over their relationships, making it hard to fully commit and be emotionally available to a partner.
Again this might come from their own past experiences, or of others around them.
Maybe they just value their personal space so much that they would rather not allow themselves to get too close to someone, just to keep their sense of independence and freedom.
- Inability to regulate emotions: Some men may struggle with managing their emotions, leading them to withdraw or shut down when faced with difficult emotions.
Generally this is mostly seen in men who have grown up in families where they weren’t encouraged to show emotion. They’ve never been taught how to deal with them and regulate them. And most likely they’ve been told often things like: ‘boys don’t cry’ or ‘boys don’t show emotion’ or even ‘boys cry on the inside and don’t show it to the world they’re hurt’.
And many times their parents, or carers didn’t know how to do that for themselves either. So they just passed on what they knew.
- Negative self-image: Some men with low self-esteem or negative self-image may believe they are unworthy of love and avoid emotional intimacy as a result.
So they just shut down that part of themselves and don’t even bother to open up as they’re convinced nobody will love them either way. And they’ll just get hurt if they show their emotional side too much.
It doesn’t mean that they don’t feel and have emotions. It just means that they are not showing them and not letting others see that they have emotions.
- Communication issues: Emotionally unavailable men may struggle with communicating their emotions and needs effectively, leading to misunderstandings and difficulties in the relationship.
Women tend to be more open to communication and seemingly ready to talk about their emotions at a drop of a hat.
Whereas men… not so much. Now on top of that if the man is also emotionally unavailable, that man is pretty likely to struggle with communicating their emotions effectively.
- Unresolved personal issues: Unresolved personal issues, such as depression or anxiety, can make it hard for men to connect emotionally with others.
Men too can develop depression or anxiety… or both. So whilst suffering with these it might be quite difficult for them to open up and connect emotionally.
They would first need to deal with depression and with their anxiety and only then start working on opening up towards others.
- Avoidant personality traits: Emotionally unavailable men may exhibit avoidant personality traits, such as a reluctance to get close to others or a tendency to detach emotionally.
- Lack of emotional awareness: Some men may simply lack the emotional awareness and skills necessary to form and sustain healthy emotional connections.
What are some red flags to watch out for when dating an emotionally unavailable man, even if he says he’s in love?
When dating an emotionally unavailable man, there are several red flags to watch out for. Even if he says he’s in love.
Here are some signs that may indicate that your partner is emotionally unavailable:
- Difficulty expressing emotions: Emotionally unavailable men may struggle to express their emotions. Or they may be dismissive of your feelings and needs.
- Avoidance of deep conversations: Emotionally unavailable men may avoid deep conversations about personal topics or feelings. And may change the subject or become defensive when these topics are brought up.
- Inconsistent behavior: Emotionally unavailable men may be hot and cold in their behavior, showing affection one moment. And pulling away the next.
- Lack of commitment: Emotionally unavailable men may avoid commitment, keeping the relationship at a surface level. And refusing to take it to the next level.
- Focus on physical intimacy: Emotionally unavailable men may focus on physical intimacy rather than emotional intimacy. Using sex as a way to avoid emotional connection.
- Non-disclosure of personal details: Emotionally unavailable men may be guarded about their personal life. And may not share much about their past, family or friends.
- Disinterest in your life: Emotionally unavailable men may not show much interest in your life. Orthey may not remember important details about your life.
If you notice these red flags, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about them. If your partner is not willing to work on their emotional availability or make changes to the relationship, it may be time to reconsider the future of the relationship.
Is it worth pursuing a relationship with a man who claims to be in love but is struggling to connect emotionally?
Deciding whether to pursue a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man who claims to be in love can be challenging. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and depends on several factors.
If you value emotional connection and intimacy in a relationship, it may be difficult to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. However, if your partner is willing to work on opening up and you see progress over time, it may be worth pursuing the relationship.
It’s important to set boundaries and communicate your needs in the relationship. If your partner is not willing to work on their emotional availability or makes little effort to connect emotionally, it may be a sign that the relationship is not healthy or sustainable.
Ultimately, it’s important to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing and consider whether the relationship is meeting your needs. It may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counsellor. At least to navigate this decision and work on building healthy relationships in the future.
Also it might be worth analyzing why you want to be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. Is it because you really like him or is it because you feel you can ‘save’ him or ‘improve’ him?
Again, if an emotionally unavailable man is not willing to work on this there is very little that you can do to help.
What are some clear signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you?
It can be difficult to identify signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you. As they may struggle to express their emotions or be dismissive of your feelings. However, here are some signs that may indicate that your partner is in love with you:
- He prioritizes you in his life and makes time for you.
- He shows interest in your life and wants to know about your hopes, dreams, and goals.
- He shares personal stories and details about his life with you.
- He talks about the future with you and makes plans together.
- He listens to you when you speak and shows genuine concern for your well-being.
- He is affectionate and physical with you, including holding hands, hugging, and kissing.
- He remembers important details about your life and shows interest in what you have to say.
- He introduces you to his family and friends.
- He compliments you and makes you feel special.
- He is supportive of your goals and aspirations.
- He is honest and transparent with you about his feelings.
- He apologizes when he is wrong and takes responsibility for his actions.
- He is patient with you and is willing to work through any problems that arise.
- He trusts you and allows himself to be vulnerable around you.
- He seeks your advice and values your opinion.
- He is willing to compromise and make sacrifices for the relationship.
- He is open to discussing difficult topics and working through conflicts together.
- He makes an effort to do things that you enjoy, even if they are not his favorite activities.
- He values your feelings and respects your boundaries.
- He shows gratitude for your presence in his life and makes you feel appreciated.
- He encourages you to pursue your passions and supports your personal growth.
- He makes you feel loved and valued.
- He shares his dreams and aspirations with you.
- He takes an interest in your hobbies and passions.
- He initiates physical intimacy with you and makes an effort to satisfy your needs.
It’s important to remember that every relationship is unique, and your partner may show love and affection in different ways. It’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and expectations in the relationship.
5 ways you can support an man who is in love AND wants to work on opening up more?
Now, if you’re in a situation where you’ve met an emotionally unavailable man, and he is willing to work on opening up more, AND you want to help him do that, here are a few ways you can help:
Encourage open and honest communication: One of the biggest challenges for emotionally unavailable men is expressing their emotions.
Encourage your partner to share his feelings and thoughts with you. And create a safe space for him to do so without fear of judgment.
Be patient and understanding: Opening up and developing emotional intimacy can be a difficult and slow process.
Be patient with your partner. And understand that it may take time for him to become more comfortable with emotional expression.
Avoid pressuring or criticizing: Avoid pressuring your partner or criticizing him for his emotional unavailability.
This can create feelings of defensiveness or shut him down even more. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement and encouragement.
Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand his perspective.
This can help you approach conversations with him in a more compassionate and empathetic way.
Offer support and resources: Encourage your partner to seek professional help if necessary, such as therapy or counseling, to work through any underlying emotional issues.
Offer to attend sessions with him or provide resources that may help him on his journey towards emotional openness.
Remember, all of these ways work only if your partner actually wants to work on this. And make sure you have armed yourself with a lot of patience. As it might take quite a while for them to learn to open up emotionally.
Ultimately it is entirely up to you if you want to pursue a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. But I hope that this article will help you understand what are the risks and challenges you might face if you choose to do it.
I’m not saying that the relationship might not be everything that you ever wanted… I’m just saying that it might take quite some time to get there… And some effort… And a loooot of patience and understanding on your side.
Are you willing to do it? Is he worth it?
Remember that you are worth being loved the way you want to be loved as well. And you are worth being in a relationship where you feel loved, treasured and appreciated.
