You had a series of bad dates? Here are over 40 bad dates expert advice, from those who actually studies about it:
Had A Few Bad Dates?
Before going any further I would like to tell you that it’s ok if you’ve had a series of bad dates.
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Having a series of bad dates can actually tell you something about the selection process (if you have one at all) that you’re having right now and it might just simply mean that you should tweak a thing or two about it.
Just because you’re having some bad dates, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you.
For years, whilst I was dating, I thought it was my fault and also have given up on dating for months at a time because I thought for some reason it must be my fault.
It was only after I accepted the fact that yes, there are many crazy people out there. And yes, I tend to meet quite a few of them. But no, that doesn’t make it my fault.
And yes, many of them seemed quite normal… at first glance.
Many people give out advice on how to spot a good date, or how to to avoid a bad date… but the reality is that we don’t know it is going to be a bad date.
We just tend to accept or even invite someone on a date and hope for the best.
I mean I have so many bad date stories and even crazy date stories that I could write a book about it.
So I just want you to know that you’re not the only one who has a series of bad dates. I’m only saying that for you to understand that you’re not alone in this and you’re definitely not the only one going through a series of bad dates.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s see what the experts say about how to recover after a series of bad dates.
Bad Dates Experts’ Opinions On How To Bounce Back
I’ve asked quite a few relationship therapists, coaches and experts to give me their best advice for someone who is going through a series of bad dates, had enough of them and just wants to recover from that and shift their energy altogether.
Here is what they had to say:
‘If a dating failure means a date that did not go well, here’s what to do:
1. Examine how you’re thinking about dating in the first place. Many people place way too much importance on a single date. They make it a big deal. If you’re thinking, “Maybe this is the one. Please let this be the one,” then you’re setting yourself up for a potential letdown. And you’re putting way too much pressure on the other person.
2. If you’re on a date that’s bad, you don’t need to stay. Keep the first date simple. Rather than a two hour dinner, pick something quick and easy like an ice cream cone. If something happens during the date, like something offensive to you, you can simply leave the date as soon as you take that last bite of ice cream.
3. If you find you are having lots of failed dates, it could be that you are doing something to repel the people you’re trying to attract. So get a coach or therapist to help you figure out if you need to tweak things in your attitude and life.’
Elliot Katz – Author and Coach
‘Tips for recovering from dating nightmares:
If the same dating nightmares keep happening to you. Look on the Internet, particularly YouTube, for tips on what you could be doing differently.
I coach men and a common mistake men make is not being a man with a plan when they ask women out.
He asks a woman out on a date and she says, “Yes, what did you have in mind to do?”
Don’t say, “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
She may wonder if he can’t even choose a place for a cup of coffee, how will he handle the challenges of marriage and family life?
If you are a man with a plan, she will feel flattered that you took the time to think of something you would both enjoy doing together.
I also tell men that when you contact a woman – get to the point. Say: “I was wondering if you would like to go out on Saturday night.” Then wait for her response. She will appreciate your directness and admire your confidence’
Holly Wade – Therapist
‘After leaving any relationship we have grief for what we thought that relationship might be, even if we are sure the person was a BIG JERK.
So the first thing that can help is to acknowledge the grief – you will feel denial, anger, depression, sadness and finally meaning making.
The meaning making part is the important part for growth and moving on. This is when we look over the relationship and identify what we learned about ourselves and what we want and don’t want in a relationship.
We may even be able to acknowledge some memories with fondness and gratitude for something the person introduced us to or allowed us to do.
Dating is for practicing relationships, it is not a failure to get to the point where you realize this person is not what you need long term. If we remember that and take some time to identify key learning it we can turn it from a tragedy to a growth experience.’
Amber Lee – CEO & Certified Matchmaker
Although Amber is not a therapist, as a matchmaker she certainly is qualified to give us her point of view on how to recover from dating nightmares and get back out there.
Here is what she had to say on the subject:
‘Managing your mindset is the key to recovering from dating nightmares. When you go into each new dating situation, take a light-hearted approach.
Instead of going into the date with expectations of meeting your life partner, simply approach the date as an interesting experience and a chance to get to know someone new. When you take a light-hearted approach to dating and don’t take it too seriously, you are less likely to be stressed out when things don’t go well. You’ll be able to laugh at crazy dating experiences and move forward without letting the experience weigh you down.
Focus on what you can do and don’t try to analyze why your date behaved in the manner they did.
Stop worrying about the other person and start focusing on the things you can control…. You! Take a look at how you can put a better strategy in place to screen out bad dates. Focus on your dating mindset and practice giving yourself positive affirmations. Surround yourself with people who bring joy into your life!
When you focus on the things you can control, and let go of the things you can’t, dating gets a lot easier!’
‘While recovering from bad dating experiences, it is important to stay focused on what you desire out of a romantic relationship.
It is normal to be discouraged after bad experiences, but patience is essential when seeking a partner that will fulfill most of your needs.
Allow yourself time to decompress and reflect on the bad dating experience. This can lead to evaluating what did not go right and ways to improve this on future dates.
Getting back into the dating field can be difficult and stressful.
Make time to take care of yourself through self-care activities such as spending time with friends, journaling or watching a comfort movie. Do not allow bad dating experiences to hinder your future dating potential.’
Tiffany Homan – Relationship Expert
As a Relationship Expert at a law firm, Tiffany has seen her fair share of broken relationships and here is what she had to say about recovering from a bad date:
‘We all have the best of intentions when we go on a date. You anticipate the meeting to be enjoyable, thrilling, and perhaps even the first step toward something bigger in the future. However, not every date is equal, and some fall short of expectations.
Don’t let it bother you.
You could be tempted to place the blame on yourself or believe that you are flawed. However, there are situations when two people simply don’t have the chemistry to have an inspiring time together..
Analyze what specifically didn’t work.
Sometimes it’s obvious to you as though your date was late. Other times, it’s something less evident like you both felt drained and overworked. You can determine whether a problem is fixable by identifying the section of the date that made you unhappy.
Recognize that the pressure is increased by dating dynamics.
Early dates might make you feel like you’re cautiously navigating a minefield. High expectations and anxiety make it simple to make mistakes and give the wrong impression.
Determine the lessons learned.
Dates that go poorly can teach us what to do differently in the future. What conclusions can you draw that will help you go on more successful dates in the future? Be accountable for your bit. Recognizing your part in the disappointing date is the greatest way to move forward.’
Kevin Darne – Author and Relationship Expert
Relax! It’s Just a Date!
It’s important to remember that dating is supposed to be a fun social activity singles indulge in to get to know new people.
Let go of your anxiety. No one is asking you to decide on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire!
Someone once said: “Tragedy plus time equals comedy.” It has also been said that laughter is the best medicine.
Getting together with some single friends for cocktails and exchanging dating horror stories can also help you see bad dates are not just happening to you.
Some people actually hate the whole meeting and getting to know new people dating process. They find it to be nerve wracking.
If you are one of these types of people, you should let go of the “seller mentality” and learn to adopt more of a “buyer mentality”.
The seller is usually the nervous anxious self-conscious one worried about how they are coming across in their presentation and anticipating possible objections.
The buyer on the other hand is usually calm as they focus on the other person while asking questions to determine if their product or service meets their needs.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to take a break from trying to find “the one” and make having fun your primary goal.
Expand your network of single friends, socialize without any agenda, join a few hobby/interest groups on the Meetup site, do some traveling, and enjoy life!
Your happiness should not be based upon your relationship status. Ironically people who are happy and enjoying life tend to attract others into their orbit.’
Dr Brenda Wade – Clinical Psychologist
‘Examine the date to evaluate what went wrong:
After overcoming your anger and depressed mood, take a step back and evaluate the date.
What went incorrect? Sometimes there is an obvious explanation.
Consider your date for a little period. Write everything down to arrange your ideas. After reviewing everything, create a list of potential changes .These faults did not necessarily spoil the date since it takes two people to have a successful date, but fixing them might help you have a better experience in the future.
Learn from your errors:
Everyone makes mistakes, so if you have made a few, do not berate yourself. Once you’ve identified what you might have done better, devise a strategy to rectify it so you can avoid it on your next date. You may do something as basic as choosing a more suitable activity or generate potential discussion topics in advance. ’
Dr Lee Phillips – Psychotherapist and Certified Sex & Couples Therapist
‘How to recover after many failed dates?
Dating can be a challenging experience and for many people, it is exhausting.
Welcome to the world of dating!
You may find yourself having many failed dates. Well, you are not alone.
Failed dating can lead to stress, anxiety, and anger. Getting rejected is not fun and it can feel painful. The same can also happen when you reject someone who really likes you. This may cause you to feel guilty. Rejections are not always bad.
For support, reach out to your support system such as family and friends.
It is recommended to take breaks and ask yourself what you think is the cause of your many failed dates.
Unplug from social media and the dating apps if need be or check your dating apps 1-2x per week to reduce feeling the hurt from failed dating. Pacing yourself before getting back into the dating game allows for self-care and recovery.
To recover from nightmare date experiences and before jumping back into the dating game, you need to take the time for self-care especially if recent dates have caused great distress.
If you have repeated nightmare dating experiences this can cause you to feel triggered.
I recommended learning how to cope with triggers prior to getting back out into the dating game because it helps regulate your emotions. ‘
Susan Trombetti – Relationship Expert
‘Whether you have experienced a terrible date, relationship, etc. or have heard many stories of dating nightmares like I have, know that you are not alone.
Dating nightmares unfortunately happen each and every day. After a bad date or a few dates, you can feel a little scorned and not ready to hit the dating scenes right away. Here are some of my tips on how to get back out there after a dating nightmare:
Take a break from dating first to evaluate
My first advice after a dating nightmare that has you scared to date again is to first take a bit of a break. Take time to yourself and evaluate what happened. Evaluate your dating history and really reflect on what is working, what is not, and what you would like out of your next experiences/relationship.
Make time for self-care
You have probably heard the advice before that you want to love yourself before finding love. I truly believe in this. If you are recovering from a dating nightmare and want to put yourself back out there, remember to make time for yourself and self-care! This will not only help you recover from the nightmare but will prepare you in putting yourself back out there with your best foot forward.
Remember to not blame yourself
The bad date/dating nightmare probably was not your fault. Know again you are not alone. We have all had bad dating experiences and this is not your fault. You are meant to find love!
Hire a dating coach: Not sure how to get back out there, what you want in a partner, etc.?
Dating coaches are a great resource to help you improve your dating life, put yourself out there, and find the right one.’
Carmel Jones – Relationship Expert
‘First things first…
Dating is really challenging right now because we are overstimulated by social media, societal pressures, and dating apps. So know that you are not alone in going through several failed dates and experiencing this agony as it relates to dating.
Before you begin to dip your toes back in, it’s important to feel fulfilled within yourself so that you attract the right person and situation. This comes down to knowing what you want, identifying your boundaries, and feelings self-assured enough to enter that dating world again with your head held high! If you need to take a few weeks (or months) off to dive into self-care or healing, it’s worth it!
Dating Recovery Tips:
Dating nightmares might not have anything to do with you, but often they are a result of trying to mold yourself to the date so that it goes well. However, because you’re shapeshifting to fit someone else’s idea of perfection, you often lose your voice in terms of identifying boundaries and figuring out what you DON’T like.
Instead, be very upfront with yourself and your date with what you are looking for. If your date crosses your boundaries or isn’t looking for the same thing, move on! You don’t owe new dates explanations, conversations, or even a second drink if it’s not making you feel comfortable and secure.
Another tip is to dive in with optimism.
If you hold tight to your boundaries and sense of self while also going in with optimism, the great dates are going to start flooding your life without you even trying or realizing it.
This really is the secret to a great dating life!
Keep an open mind until someone gives you a reason not to, and then cut them off immediately so that you don’t expend your energy on wasted experiences.
I would also suggest limiting time on dating apps to something concrete and manageable.
Dating apps are useful, but they can also cause a lot of anxiety and overwhelm. Say that you’re going to spend a couple hours a week on them, maybe an hour here or there after work. And set a timer! This way, you’ll be dating in a way that doesn’t exhaust you but keeps your options open at the same time.’
Rochelle – Relationship Expert
‘Dating disasters can put you off finding love for sure but using a dating site can ease you back into the pool gently. I have been told by clients on my site that it helped to chat online initially and get the feel of flirting again without having to get dressed up to go out and be let down again.’
Kerry Lauders – Mental Health Officer
‘There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how to recover after dating nightmares, as the best way to move on may vary depending on the person. However, there are a few general tips that can help anyone looking to get over a bad dating experience and move on to find love again.
First, it is important to understand that a bad date is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Just because one date didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you are destined to be alone forever. It is also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that a bad date doesn’t mean that you are a bad person.
Once you have accepted that a bad date doesn’t mean the end of the world, it is time to start moving on. This may mean deleting the person’s number from your phone, blocking them on social media, or even cutting off all contact.. The important thing is that you do whatever it takes to avoid contact and minimize the chances of being reminded of the bad date.
It is also important to focus on self-care in the aftermath of a bad date. This may mean taking some time for yourself to relax and de-stress, indulging in your favorite activities, or spending time with friends and family. Taking care of yourself will help you to feel stronger and more capable of moving on.
Finally, it is important to keep an open mind and stay positive as you move forward. There will be more bad dates in the future, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t find love again. Keep putting yourself out there and don’t be afraid to try new things. With time and patience, you will find the right person for you.’
Michelle Shivers – Licensed Family Therapist
‘Do not blame yourself.
When you have an unsuccessful date or meet-up, do not blame yourself. A terrible experience on a date might result from a variety of circumstances. First, realize there’s a potential you two won’t get along if your first date is bad. It is a positive sign that it saves a lot of heartbreak and further pain.
Evaluate what does not work
Some things go as planned on many dates, while others don’t. If none of your dates are going as you had hoped, consider why this keeps happening to you. What aspects of your relationship genuinely matter.
Try to learn from your bad dates. It will help you create an incredible dating experience.
Keep moving
Try another date if your first one doesn’t work out. We often find it difficult to feel at ease with everyone. While you might hesitate for a while, keep actively engaging with others. For instance, a string of unsatisfactory dates could alter your standards. Simply endeavor to advance and learn more.’
Karolina Bartnik – Dating and Relationship Expert
‘What always helps my clients recover from bad dates is listing all the flaws of the person who let them down.
It’s easy to get caught up in your own shortcomings and blame yourself when things don’t work out. But it takes two people to have a pleasant, exciting date!
So stop beating yourself up about what you did or didn’t do and start being more critical towards them.
What did they do to made things awkward? Maybe they talked too much. Maybe they didn’t say enough or didn’t ask you anything. How did they contribute to making it a failed date?
Listing their shortcomings will make you feel better, you’ll recover faster and you’ll be sure to watch out for these personality traits in the future.
How to recover from nightmare date experiences and get back into dating?
What I often end up suggesting to my coaching clients who went through a nightmare date experience, is to take themselves out on their dream date.
Ask a friend you can trust and have fun with to come with you, make an itinerary and visit all your favorite romantic spots.
This way you can ensure you have full control of what’s going on and can treat yourself to all the things you’d want from a romantic partner. If a flower seller goes by, get yourself flowers. If you want to end the evening by watching your favorite romantic movie, you can do it with your friend.
Pampering yourself and giving yourself a good, positive experience will help you get in touch with what you really want and deserve. It will make you feel strong and empowered. This in turn will give you enough courage to get back into dating with a fresh mindset and a healthy attitude.’
Megan Harrison – Relationship Expert
‘Dating can be a daunting experience at the best of times, but it can feel especially challenging if you’ve been through a string of bad dates. If you’re starting to feel disheartened, it’s important to remember that everyone has different tastes and that not every date is going to be a good fit. The key is to stay positive and to keep putting yourself out there. Here are some tips for recovering from a series of bad dates:
1. Take some time for yourself: After a series of bad dates, it’s normal to feel discouraged and like you’re not cut out for dating. However, it’s important to take some time for yourself before getting back into the dating game. Allow yourself to relax and recharge so that you can approach your next date with fresh energy and a positive attitude.
2. Learn from your mistakes: Instead of getting discouraged, use your bad dates as an opportunity to learn more about what you’re looking for in a partner. What didn’t you like about the person? What qualities were missing? Keep these things in mind when you’re meeting new people and you’re more likely to find someone who is a better fit for you. It can also be helpful to talk to your friends about your bad date experiences. They can offer support and advice and may even be able to help set you up with someone they know. Don’t let a few bad dates keep you from finding the perfect partner. Learn from your mistakes and keep an open mind, and you’re sure to find someone special.
3. Keep your expectations realistic: It’s important to keep your expectations realistic when entering the dating world. Don’t expect every date to be perfect and don’t beat yourself up if things don’t go according to plan. The most important thing is to enjoy the process and focus on finding someone who makes you happy.
4. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there again. You might not find your soulmate on the first try, but each date brings you one step closer to meeting the person who is perfect for you. So go ahead and ask someone out! The worst that can happen is they say no – and even then, you never know what might come from even the most unlikely connections.’
Sonya Schwartz – Founder HerNorm
‘Find the lesson in everything.
Always try to extract the most important lesson from it, since this will enable you to move past the situation. Having a lesson to learn along the route stimulates hope. Additionally, it can provide you some insight into what does and doesn’t work in dating.
Don’t think it too much
Instead of being terrible to yourself, assist yourself get out of that circumstance by replacing those negative memories with positive ones in your mind. Avoid overstressing yourself since it will make you weak. Go out on your own and do some exploring.’
Dr Shauna Pollard – Licensed Clinical Psychologist
‘Take a break and nurture other aspects of your life. Travel, re-invest your energy into personal goals, start a new hobby, or reconnect with friends and family.
Be reflective and explore whether you need to adjust your approach to dating. This can mean getting off dating apps for a bit, revisiting your dating dealbreakers, or taking a deep look at how you are showing up in the dating process. If you are noticing a pattern in your bad dates, maybe you need to set up some criteria for who you will and won’t date.
How to recover from nightmare date experiences and get back into dating?
Bad experiences can happen when dating. Some choose to jump back into the pool and others decide they are due for a break. There’s not necessarily a right answer; do what you need to do to be OK.
If you can, talk it out with a trusted friend, family member, or even your therapist. You can also journal about it and remember that you are not alone. Almost everyone has a story about a bad date!’
Laura Amador – Certified Relationship Coach
‘Restore and Recover
Dating can be very stressful and we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get out there, have fun, and meet someone great.
The most important thing you can do to set yourself up for dating success is to first nurture yourself through self care.
This means nurturing your body, mind, and soul. Do what makes you feel good.
Nurture your body
Make the extra effort to eat well and move your body.. Make it fun by trying new foods and exercise in ways you look forward to. Maybe that means going for a walk in the woods, taking a dance class, or trying out rock climbing!
Nurture your mind
Read, visit a museum, listen to soothing music, and learn something new. Get your mind off the bad dating experiences and onto things that will help you grow as a person and reconnect with your curiosity and creativity.
Nurture your soul
Get in touch with yourself through journaling, meditations, yoga, mindfulness, or simply finding some peace and quiet with your own thoughts.We can’t recover from something we haven’t allowed ourselves to process.
Find the Humor
It can be difficult to see past the pain of disappointments, but when we are able to let go of expectations and stop taking things so seriously, we are able to pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and try again.
Learn the Lessons
Accept each experience as lessons and don’t blame yourself! Don’t carry those defeats with you as they will only stand in the way of your success in the future. Move forward with the lightness and freedom of knowing that each day is a new beginning.
Get Clear on Your Vision
It is also a good idea to get clear about what types of dates you will say yes to. Set a standard for yourself where you will only say yes to dates you feel genuinely excited about and no to dates you find yourself dreading.
Conclusion- Let Go of the Pressure
Imagine how different the dating experience would be if you went without putting any pressure on yourself. Consider each date an adventure. You will either enjoy some good food, try something new, talk to a new person, or leave with a story to share with your friends. This mindset will help you let go of expectations and open yourself up to having some actually really great dates!’
Rachel Sommer – Clinical Sexologist
‘Failed dates can mess with your self-esteem, and you might need to take time off to heal and take good care of yourself.
I recommend spending time alone or with your close friends to build morale before looking into what went wrong and what you could’ve done better.
Remember, it’s not always your undoing, so give yourself some grace. But importantly, study patterns, pick things that stand out, work on being better and efficient, and get back out there.
How To Recover From Nightmare Date Experiences And Get Back Into Dating?
As stressed before, the best way to recover from nightmare dating experiences is to take time off and care for yourself. Eventually, assess what went wrong and evaluate exactly why it didn’t work out. Most importantly, focus on self-love, re-build confidence, and set reasonable goals.’
Emily Dean – Relationship Coach
‘1 First of all, try taking a bit of a breather.
After many failed dates, dating fatigue is common. To get back in top form mentally and emotionally, take a short break to regroup.
2 Increase your relational self-awareness
Taking a short break allows you to reflect, gain deeper insight and chart a new way forward.
The best way to get the most out of the dating experience is to be more attuned to who you are, what you want, and more importantly—what you don’t want.
3 Use your mistakes as learning opportunities
Consider all your past experiences as valuable reference points. Reflect on any red flags you might have missed. See if you can spot a pattern. Patterns usually point to some inner work that you might need to prioritize.
4 Change your approach
Whatever strategies you’ve been using might need a bit of shaking up, to get you results. Keep an open mind and be willing to venture out of your comfort zone. Hung up on a type? Figure out why. The answer might be the key to making better dating choices.
Relying on online dating apps? Maybe join a weekly social activity or club related to your interests and mingle.
Lastly, go for a values based approach. Instead of having a list of superficial qualities you want on a date, consider your core values and prioritize compatibility based on shared values and goals. You’d be surprised how many people miss out on a potentially amazing match because they’re harping on finding someone who has the exact same tastes, hobbies, interests, etc.
Differences in tastes and interests often add depth, fun, and growth opportunities to a relationship. So , although similarities make a great starting point, an alignment of perspectives and core values is what will keep you anchored.’
Colleen Wenner – Founder and Clinical Director New Heights Counselling and Consulting
‘Understand Your Emotions
It’s important to understand as bad as the last few dates were, the next one could be the jackpot and your date could turn out to be the love of your life.
Learn From your mistakes
Take time to reflect on your previous dates. Ask yourself, “Why did these relationships fail?” Understanding this will help you better cope with future relationships. What would you do differently? Don’t take it personally or beat yourself up over something you did or did not do, or cannot change.
Get Support
If you’re having trouble understanding why the dates didn’t work out, seek help from a close friend, family member, or possibly a counselor who specializes in relationship issues.. They can help you work through any emotional problems you might be experiencing. Furthermore, they can also give you some insight into what went wrong during the date and offer advice about how to improve next time around.
Take Care of Yourself
You cannot expect to get over a relationship if you’re not first taking care of yourself. If you don’t take time out for yourself then you won’t be able to give yourself enough time to heal emotionally. Make sure you eat well, exercise regularly, sleep well and keep busy so that you don’t dwell too much on the past. And when you’re ready get back out there and start dating again.
Don’t Give Up
It may seem like all hope is lost when you feel like you’ve been rejected by every date you meet. But remember that there are plenty of individuals out there who are looking for love just like you. Don’t let rejection get to you. You are worthy of love and deserve to find someone special. Keep trying until you find him or her.
When you’re ready to get back out there and start trying to find love again, here are some helpful hints.
Commit to having fun
Don’t take your dating experience so seriously. Look to have fun and enjoy the time getting to know the other person. When you remove the stress of having to find “the one” you ‘ll be able to relax and truly enjoy yourself.
Remember to be patient
There is no such thing as overnight success. It takes time to build a lasting relationship. So while you may want to jump right back into dating after a failed relationship, don’t rush things. Be patient in your search for love.
Stay away from negative thoughts
Don’t allow your negative thoughts to control how you respond on a date. If you find yourself thinking about the past dates, stop and ask yourself if it’s really worth dwelling on. Try using positive affirmations instead. For example: “I am going to have an amazing time tonight.” Or “Tonight is going to be one for the books!”
Have an open mind
Be willing to accept new people and experiences. Don’t limit yourself to meeting the same type of people over and over again. Instead, broaden your horizons and expand your social circle. You will find someone who is perfect for you!
Be honest
Honesty is key when it comes to dating. Tell the truth about yourself and your expectations. Let the conversation flow naturally without forcing it. The right person, who is truly interested in you, will pick up on your honesty and engage in conversations.
Give yourself time and don’t rush things.’
Kevin Thibodeaux – Dating and Relationship Coach
‘1. Process your failed dates and/or dating nightmares with a coach or therapist – It’s ok to explore feelings and acknowledge what’s happened. Our feelings give us a way of expressing ourselves. The process can be very clean, and if we don’t permit our bodies to discharge and discover whatever we’re holding inside, we don’t grow.
2. Date Smarter through self-discovery, self-awareness, and choice.
Discover yourself: Clarify where you are, where you are headed, the strengths you will use to get there, and the obstacles that often interfere.
Be Self-Aware: Commit to exploring, changing, learning, taking risks, persevering even when it is difficult, and investing the time and energy.
Choose wisely: Affirm the power of choice itself and become an agent of personal change – absolutely, unequivocally in charge of your choices3)
Take a break if all else fails!’
Tina B. Tessina – Author and Licensed Psychotherapist
‘1. Swear off guilt: Guilt is like time payments you can keep suffering forever. Instead, do the grieving you need to do, figure out how you helped create the problems (or stayed around for them) and decide to change what didn’t work before. Grieve all you need, but don’t exaggerate your feelings.
2. Don’t assign blame: If you blame your ex, you’ll eventually turn that blame on yourself. So, instead of blaming, find some more neutral things to say “We saw things differently” “We had some good years, then things changed” If there’s ‘another woman’ don’t blame her either. Everyone’s just trying to survive this difficult situation, including you and including her.
3. Focus on re-building your life. Drama is not practical, it’s a negative fantasy. Focus on the practical things you need to do and think. Get your emotional, personal and financial life together as soon as you can. Think about all the things you’ve been freed up to do, and do some of them. Try things you would never have done before, or things you’ve always wanted to do.’
Meg Rector – Relationship and Dating Coach
‘If you are on the short end of one failed date after another, it’s okay to take a beat, regroup and reassess.
You need a date audit!
A date audit is a series of questions you can ask yourself about the dates you’re going on to really examine and explore where there is room for you to take responsibility and make different decisions, and where it really is the other person’s issue.
You can ask yourself questions like:Who are these people I am saying yes to? Is there something they all have in common? Why am I saying yes to these dates? What are my expectations before the date? Are they reasonable?At the end of date, what makes you decide whether the date is a failure or not? What’s the criteria?
It may very well be the other person, and it is so disempowering to feel like there is nothing you can do to create a different outcome, which is why it’s so important to identify areas where you might be contributing to the failure of these dates. (It’s not about pointing fingers, but staying in an empowered position!)
Failed dates are unfortunately part of the dating experience, especially these days where it’s become so much a numbers game… Finding someone who is looking for what you’re looking for, be it something casual or something serious, who shares similar interests and values, and someone you find attractive, can be tricky!
To get out of a bad date pattern, try mixing things up! Go on a date with some who you might not normally say yes to. Do something you really enjoy doing, so the date will be fun regardless of whether or not you want a subsequent date.
Dating is hard; you don’t have to do it alone.’
Nancy Landrum – Relationship Coach
‘First, it’s important to vent your hurt or angry feelings in a safe way. Write a nasty letter to the jerk who treated you badly, and then burn it. Pound on a pillow or scream while in a parked car.
Let the feelings out…thoroughly!
After draining those strong feelings out, you might ask yourself, “Did any of these dates have anything in common? A character flaw that keeps showing up? A lack of respect for you? Signs of an addiction to drugs or alcohol?” If so, ask yourself, “Why am I unconsciously attracting this kind of date? What belief about myself sets me up to say ‘yes’ to persons who treat me badly? What healthier belief do I need to adopt to attract the kind of date I would enjoy being with?”
Then formulate an affirmation that embeds that belief deeply into your unconscious mind.
Finally, make a list of the qualities you want in a good date. Be specific and add that to your intention.
On your next date, if you don’t see evidence of those qualities and your new intentions, move on with ease!’
Savannah Wishart – Human Performance Coach
‘For recovering from dating nightmares, I always encourage drawing the attention back to oneself.
When we are seeking a relationship of any kind, whether short term, long term, or anything in between, it can be easy to fall into seeking external validation. The more desirable we are, the more value we have. If we are in a constant stream of dating “failures” that don’t go where we want them to go, how can we create validation from within, and invest in activities that foster self worth independent of others?
As cliche as it sounds, a great way to recover from dating nightmares and burnout is to prioritize dating yourself.
Take yourself out – without the distraction of a phone or laptop to pull you away from the time enjoying solitude. Sit with yourself in front of the mirror to remind yourself who you are on a visual level – without trying to fix yourself or cover yourself in makeup.
Treat yourself to self-touch: massages with coconut, brushing your fingers along your skin, hugging yourself. There are so many ways that we can create experiences and activate sensations on your own, that we often seek from others. The more we invest in ourselves, the more likely we are to attract those who are on the same page.
And, additional things might include getting clear and asking powerful questions around the end goal you’re seeking from dating. If there are patterns in what things aren’t working, what is the common denominator? Are you seeking things externally that need to be cultivated internally? etc.’
Laura Doyle – Relationship Coach
‘1. Refocus your efforts on yourself! I know, it sounds cliche but the reality is, it’s true. The only person that can be responsible for your happiness is yourself, so why not put your attention there first. Do things that put a smile on your face and make a point to really feed your soul.
2. Show gratitude. In almost every situation there is an opportunity to see something gained or something to be thankful for. Sometimes it can be hard to see through the frustration or pain, but keep looking until you find it. I get it, life sucker punches us sometimes and while it may feel great to vent, get it out quickly and start looking for the positive because what you put your focus on, will expand.
3. Be willing to relinquish control of people and things that you cannot control. Your date was 30 minutes late, while rude and frustrating, you can’t control his/her poor planning. Rather than getting annoyed and allowing it to ruin the rest of your evening, take a step back and trust that he’ll make it up to you. Of course, this is if you decide to move forward with another date. The point of surrendering control is trust, both in yourself to make good judgements or decisions, as well as trust in the people you decide to surround yourself with. Micromanaging is both exhausting and frustrating. Put that energy and time into something more productive because you will never be able to truly control everything.
And if you could, where would the fun be in that?
Dr Stacy Holweger – teacher, networkmarketer, public speaker, author, and doctor
‘Analyse what specifically didn’t work. It’s usually evident. Sometimes it’s not as evident.
You can determine whether a problem is fixable by identifying the section of the date that made you unhappy. Analyse whether compatibility was an issue.
There are occasions when two wonderful people do not share the same enthusiasm, manner of speaking, sense of humor, or other attributes.
If that’s the case, it’s best to learn about it right away.Recognize that the pressure is increased by dating dynamics.
Early dates might make you feel like you’re cautiously navigating a minefield.
High expectations and anxiety make it simple to make mistakes and give the wrong impression’
Regular People’s Tips On Recovering After A Few Bad Dates
Mark Joseph – Founder of Parental Queries
‘I have been through some really bad experiences with dating, and I understand how it feels to be constantly rejected or to have your heart broken. I want to share some tips with you on how to recover from these experiences and get back into dating.
1. Don’t take it personally.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to take the rejection or the bad experiences too personally. It’s not about you, it’s about them. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
2. Take a break.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by dating, or if you’re just not having any luck, take a break from it for a while. Focus on your happiness and well-being, and don’t put your life on hold just because you’re looking for a relationship.
3. Be positive.
One of the best ways to attract someone is to be optimistic. Don’t focus on the negative experiences you’ve had, but instead focus on the good things that can happen. Believe that you will find someone who is perfect for you, and eventually, you will.’
Luke Lee – Founder and CEO of EverWallpaper
‘If you’ve had a few bad experiences, don’t give up hope. Here are a few tips for getting back into the dating game:
Take some time for yourself
After a string of bad dates, you may need some time to recover emotionally. Spend some time alone or with friends and do things that make you happy. This will help you relax and feel better about yourself, both of which are essential for successful dating.
Evaluate your expectations
It’s possible that your expectations are too high or that you’re trying to date someone who is simply incompatible with you. Take some time to think about what you really want in a relationship and in a partner. This will help you weed out potential dates who aren’t right for you.
Try something new
If you’ve been going on the same type of date without success, it may be time to mix things up. Try new activities or places to meet people. You may find that breaking out of your comfort zone leads to more success in your dating life.’
Sonya Schwartz – Founder HerNorm
‘Find the lesson in everything
Always try to extract the most important lesson from it, since this will enable you to move past the situation. Having a lesson to learn along the route stimulates hope. Additionally, it can provide you some insight into what does and doesn’t work in dating.
Don’t think it too much
Instead of being terrible to yourself, assist yourself get out of that circumstance by replacing those negative memories with positive ones in your mind. Avoid overstressing yourself since it will make you weak.
Go out on your own and do some exploring.’
Fiona Lewis – Co-Founder at Notta
‘1. Stop Putting the Blame on Yourself:
You shouldn’t be too harsh on yourself if a date or meeting doesn’t go as planned. There might have been a number of reasons why things didn’t work out.
2. Think about what you can learn from this:
Even a poor date may teach you something about yourself and the changes you need to make in your dating life, as FIONA puts it.
3. Don’t Stop, Keep Going:
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable, but finding someone with whom to do it isn’t always easy.
4. If you can, try to see the funny side:
You’ll have a better tale to tell your pals the more disastrous the date.’
Kevin Wang – Founder & CEO of In Youths LED Mirrors
‘Here are a few tips to help you recover from your bad date experiences and get back into the dating game:
1. Take some time for yourself. After a series of disappointing dates, you might need some time to recharge and rediscover what you’re looking for in a partner. Spend some time alone doing things that make you happy, and don’t put pressure on yourself to find someone new right away.
2. Talk to your friends and family. They can provide much-needed support and perspective during this tough time. Talking about your experiences can also help you see the humor in them and make light of a difficult situation.
3. Learn from your mistakes. reflect on your past dates and think about what went wrong. What kind of people are you attracted to? Or what kind of places do you usually go on dates? What kinds of things do you usually talk about? By understanding what doesn’t work for you, you can start to focus on what does.
4. Get back out there. Once you’ve taken some time for yourself and done some reflection, it will be easier to approach dating with a positive attitude. When you’re ready, start going out and meeting new people. Don’t expect every date to be perfect, but try to keep an open mind and have fun with it!’
Marcus Astin – COO at Pala Leather
‘It can be tough to get back into the dating game after a string of bad experiences.
You may be feeling jaded, disillusioned, and ready to give up on finding love altogether.
However, it is possible to recover from your dating nightmares and get back out there with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.
The key is to take things slow, start with baby steps, and not put too much pressure on yourself.
Give yourself time to heal and a little space before getting back out into the dating pool.
When you’re ready, ease yourself in with low-pressure activities like group events or coffee dates.
And above all, don’t forget to have fun!
A positive attitude and a sense of humor will take you a long way. With a little effort, you can turn your dating slump into a thing of the past.’
Isla Zyair – Nutritionist and blogger
‘First, don’t stress out about it. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Did you make a mistake in your approach? Or did you ask too much? Did you not ask enough?
It’s okay to go back to the drawing board and try a new approach.
You never know until you try.
The key to getting back into dating is to use it as a learning experience. Don’t rush, and give yourself a break. There will always be more dates that go wrong in your future. It’s essential not to get discouraged.
Be patient. It takes time for you to get back into the dating game, and having patience will help you get there.
Use self-care. Self-care is something that you can do to take care of yourself and build your self-esteem.
Try to think about the positive aspects of learning about yourself and your preferences. When you feel you’re ready, it’s time to be proactive. If you want to go out on a date, then go on a date. If you feel people are not interested in you, be bold and ask someone.
It’ll take more time to find someone perfect for you, but you’ll be glad you dedicated this time to yourself.’
Samantha Moss – Editor and Content Ambassador at Romatific
‘The best way to recover from failed dates is to give yourself time. Time to think it through and make sure to be wise on your next dates.
How to recover from nightmare date experiences and get back into dating?
To avoid and recover from nightmare date experiences and get back into dating, the best way to do this is to leave your past experiences behind and focus on yourself.
More importantly, before getting back into dating, you should know about what you’re looking for in a partner in order to avoid your past experiences.’
‘Well … one way is to find a new relationship. Particularly if that new relationship is successful beyond anything you may have experienced before.
The root of many problems in any relationship is communication. But for most people, our society utterly fails to teach them how to communicate when the topic is something as horrifyingly embarrassing as what we want and don’t want sexually.
If a person has struggled with this, especially if they have desire that might be described as not being particularly “vanilla”, perhaps they would do better checking out groups where frank, honest and startlingly transparent conversations are the *expectation* — that of the real-life kink world.
If a person has never met a kinky person in real life, they are likely to believe the stereotype that is most often shown in movies and tv shows, broken frightening people that are borderline psychotic, or worse.
The truth is that most people in the real-life kink community–those with the courage to step out from behind the screen–are very kind, considerate people. Most of them are sex nerds. They love to learn about and practice fun ways to interact. The community actively teaches how important deep and honest communication is. Far from being terrifying specters that don’t care about each other, we actively seek to understand a new partner at the deepest level, because only in that way can we truly satisfy each other.’
