If you’re looking for dating advice for men, you’re in the right place!
You see, when it comes to dating I have quite a few stories to share. I might not be too experienced, but I was dating for most of my 20s. So I can confidently say that I’ve been through quite a few dates.
Some were amazing and one-of-a-kind dates, like you see in romantic movies. And some were quite horrible, that I wished I would’ve never met those guys.
But hey, it’s all experience and it has shaped me and helped me understand what I want. And especially what I DON’T want.
I got so good at dating that my personal record of the ‘Shortest Date Time’ is literally 5 minutes.
As soon as got there and I looked at the guy and straight away I knew this was not going to work. And I walked away within 5 minutes.
Was he baffled?
Ohhhh Yes!
Was he mad or upset?
Yes and Yes!
But I’ve told him that I don’t think this is going to work, we don’t seem like a good match, so there was no point in wasting both our times… and literally just walked away.
We did have a conversation later where I’ve just explained that we just seem so different that I couldn’t see us together.
Thank God we were meeting in a public place. This way I could just walk away without risking him to lash out, make a scene or anything like that.
I’m not sure he would have… but you never know.
So after a few years of dating and many dating adventures, I actually have some dating advice for men. Especially for those who actually want to find a long-term partner and are dating towards that … not just one-night-stands.
These are things that I did tell my brother to DO or NOT to do when he was dating. And are things that I wished I could’ve told those bad dates back then… I just didn’t care enough to enlighten them at that point in time.
Before going further, I just want to mention that if you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community, these dating tips can be applicable for you as well. After all we’re all people and we tend to go through very similar dating situations.
I’m just using ‘man’ and ‘woman’ to exemplify the 2 people that are dating. But these can also be ‘man’ and ‘man’ or ‘woman’ and ‘woman’ or any other combination.
I’m also using these words as I personally am in a heterosexual relationship and this is what I am familiar with.
So please don’t feel left out from the conversation.
Dating Advice Before Actually Going On a Date
- Make a list.
Before even considering dating make sure you know what you’re looking for. Knowing what you want can save you a lot of time.
Start answering questions like: Why do I want to date? What types of people do I like? Am I into women or men? Am I looking for a partner for a stable relationship or am I just looking for casual dating and one-night-stands?
If you’re unsure on how to get clearer in your dating life why not try the Better Topics Dating Game! And find out, in a fun way, what it is that you actually want.
- Be patient.
If you’re looking for a date online please remember that it has become more dangerous for women to actually meet men in real life. So it might take a while of ‘getting to know each other’ online before a woman would agree to see you in real life.
Asking a woman to meet up straight away or after just talking once, can be a bit too direct.
Now you don’t need to go to the other extreme either, where you’re talking for like 6 months and then you meet. What if you guys don’t really gel well in real life? Then you’ve potentially wasted 6 months.
Have a few conversations and then decide whether you actually want to meet up or not.
Women can tell if you’re too desperate even just by texting so don’t be too eager to meet quickly.
- It’s not always personal
As men date several women at a time, some women do the same. It’s not personal, they’re just trying to weed out the ones that they don’t like and focus on the ones they do.
As women, we know that when we’re just dating and there isn’t anything serious, men tend to date several women at a time.
We don’t, however, need you to actually confirm this for us.
Women do the same and it is not a personal thing, it’s just women trying to compare and understand what it is that they actually want and see who they are more compatible with.
- It’s ok to be creative
Assuming she agreed on a date, you can come up with some ideas of when and what to do on the said date. You don’t need to do something crazy… unless you’re both into that… so make sure to check first and be polite about anything that you’re suggesting.
- Accept the differences
Another advice would be to learn to be ok with people who have other preferences. There’s nothing worse than a man who gets frustrated that a woman doesn’t like the same things as he does.
A guy I was on a date with once, got really upset that I wasn’t into wearing pantyhose.
I understand he had his fetishes, but I don’t like wearing them. They’re quite uncomfortable. There was no need for him to get upset about it. Maybe if I would’ve liked him enough I would’ve started wearing them from time to time, but I wasn’t ready to wear them ALL the time.
Obviously we didn’t go on a second date as this seemed to be quite a deal breaker to him. I understood and respected that he knew what he wanted and didn’t just drag me along for something that clearly wasn’t going to work… especially from his side.
And that date left me with a bad memory of it as I did feel quite uncomfortable throughout it.
Again, it’s ok to have personal preferences and even fetishes to a certain extent, but don’t expect others to just like the same things as you.
- Women like a man with a plan and initiative
You don’t necessarily have to be the one suggesting what to do on a date, but we do love a man that has initiative and is planning something lovely for when we meet up.
It makes us feel like you really care and want to put your best foot forward from the beginning.
If you’re planning a surprise, based on what we already told you about us, you get extra points because you are listening to us.
Listening to someone you’re interested in should be the norm, but not all men really listen to their potential dates, so you can differentiate yourself from most men.
- Don’t give up at the first NO
Don’t be afraid to insist a few times if your potential date isn’t too sure about meeting up.
However, be aware not to insist too much so you don’t become a stalker or a creep that just doesn’t understand a no.
Confusing? I know!
Just to be safe, ask a potential date out a couple of times, suggesting some days and times, if they just say ‘No’, without suggesting other dates or times, then that person is just not really into you and you should move on.
Dating Tips During a Date
- Be on time.
Being late is just simply rude. Everyone is busy and all of us have a lot of things to do every day. If you know you’re the type of person who is always late, make sure to start off your journey earlier than you would normally do.
If anything happens to you on your way towards meeting your date, then make sure you call them and let them know, or at least text them that you’ll be late.
- Be polite.
Opening doors for the women you’re dating, to bars, or restaurants, or even coffee shops should be the norm.
I shouldn’t even have to tell you this, because it is just the polite thing to do. And if you don’t feel you should be polite with your date, then why are you even seeing them?
It baffled me to see the amount of men who did not pay attention to simple details like this.
No, it’s not a huge dealbreaker.
Yes, we can open doors for ourselves as well.
But a man who is polite and considerate really stands out from the crowd of men who just simply do not pay attention to basic etiquette.
- Have manners and learn some if you don’t have them already.
If your date is taking place in a restaurant, you should ALWAYS pull out the chair and make sure the woman who’s your date has sat down before you did.
Again, this should be basic etiquette, but you would be surprised by the amount of men who don’t do it.
There are some women who don’t get bothered whether you pull out the chair for them or not, but TRUST ME we all notice when you do.
If you’re unsure what the norm is then it’s ok to get a book or a course on it. That doesn’t guarantee you success with your date, but it certainly helps a lot.
- Listen to your date.
Don’t do all the talking. Ask questions and let your date answer as well. It is the only way to actually learn if you guys are compatible in the long run and if you want the same things or not.
Try to make it an active conversation rather than a monolog from your side.
- Don’t be a show-off
Don’t brag about past ‘conquests’ and who you’ve dated before. You can talk about what you like and don’t like in a relationship.
But when you brag about past girlfriends, it makes us wonder how you will talk about us, behind our backs, to others.
- Be more positive than negative
Try to focus more on the positives than being too negative.
Being negative is not helpful in general as it just sucks the energy out of your life.
Women have their own problems and unless they have some internal need of helping others, they would most likely not enjoy your company if you keep being negative.
- Don’t be rude.
NEVER be rude to waiters and servers in general. That says a lot about you as a human and how you treat others who are on different levels than you. Don’t ever belittle them as they’re just doing their job.
Even if they’ve ruined your order or delayed it, you don’t know what’s going on in their life and what type of day they had. Don’t add to that, but instead try to be polite. After all, you don’t HAVE to eat there all the time. After this date, you can choose to never go back if the service was really bad.
- Leave your phone aside.
Again, this is basic etiquette, but I had this happen many times with my dates. They either were literally on their phone all the time or checking it every 2 seconds. This tells women that either you’re trying to portray yourself as super busy and therefore an important person, or that you’re waiting for a friend to call you so you can bail out of that date.
Either way we’re not impressed.
If you’re nervous and know you have the habit of always playing with your phone, why not just leave it in your jacket pocket, or on the table if you really must, but face down and put a glass between you and your phone. It will make it more difficult to reach for it and it would help you stay more focused on your lovely date, than on your phone.
- Women are attracted to confident men.
If you know you’re confident in yourself, try to pick discussion subjects around something you’re passionate about.
The more passionate you are about something the more confident you seem. Try to steer the conversation towards what you’re passionate about, but don’t over do it.
- Keep it lighthearted.
It’s just a date and nobody wants to feel dragged into any drama or negative emotions.
So keep it nice and light and if you guys are compatible you will have time to get into more serious discussions later on.
- Do NOT flirt with the waitress.
There is a fine line between being polite with a waitress and actually flirting with her.
Even if you like her a lot you’re still on a date with someone else. And you hitting on the waitress really says a lot about your stability as a man and it tells us, women, that you cannot be trusted.
- Always keep your cool.
If you don’t like the food you ordered, don’t make a scene. Even if there was something on your plate that shouldn’t be there. You don’t need to draw all the attention to you two. Everything can be handled calmly.
- Be prepared to share your food.
I know many of you don’t like to share your food. Especially if it’s a new place, women like to try different foods, even if they’ve got their own order.
That doesn’t mean that she should eat all your food. But a little taster didn’t hurt anyone right?
However if you’re super strict about this and you genuinely hate it if someone takes from your place then be honest and tell her this.
- Be careful about the information you do share.
Scammers are everywhere and they come in all shapes and sizes.
They can be men but also women, so be careful about the details you’re sharing, especially on a first date.
It might be wise not to share where you live or even where you work.
Also be careful not to expose too much personal and sensitive information like bank card details or anything like that.
You don’t know yet who you’re dealing with, so stay safe.
Remember you’re just getting to know each other.
- Prepare some topics
If you don’t know what to talk about during your date why not suggest a card game like the Better Topics games or maybe a topics list that you can find online.
Many people when they’re nervous tend to freeze and not know what to do or say anymore. So a list of questions can be quite useful.
- Don’t comment on her body.
Unless she looks really good you should never make any remarks about a woman’s body, especially on a first date. If she really looks good you can compliment her on it, but don’t overdo it.
If she’s cute but could lose a few pounds to look even better, don’t tell her and especially NOT on a first date.
Us, women, have enough to deal with from magazines and ads and social media that makes us feel inadequate. We don’t want to hear about that from our date as well.
One time I was on a date with a big guy. And I don’t mean fat, but a bigger built muscly man. Now as I’m only 5.3’’ it’s not too difficult for a man to be bigger and taller than I.
However he did comment a few times on my weight (although at that time it was average for my height). This only made me want to get out of there quicker and it was quite annoying as he wasn’t too fit either.
Obviously I did not care to see him again.
- Don’t play games.
Be honest about the stories you’re sharing. I know I’ve mentioned before about taking care when sharing information about yourself, but that doesn’t mean that you cannot tell a few funny stories or something harmless from your childhood.
However, don’t overdo it as that comes across as bragging and it’s not pleasant to see and don’t play weird mind games. These tend to work only for a very short time and once a woman catches on to you (and we always do) that you’re playing games… it will be GAME OVER for you.
- Don’t go too fast.
I understand that sometimes you think you have great chemistry between you two from the get go, but before moving onto more serious things, make sure she feels the same.
Make sure she has consented to what’s about to happen, IF things are getting… let’s say ‘hotter’.
- Don’t get drunk unless you both do it.
This again should be something that everybody knows not to do, but trust me, there still are people who get smashed on a first date.
Now, if that was your agreement that you guys will go out on a date and drink, that’s completely fine. But if it’s just a coffee shop date or a restaurant date and she is not drinking too much, try to match that and stay as sober as you can.
For example, I personally don’t really drink. Maybe just once or twice a year. And I have been on a date where my date was drinking drink after drink, after drink. After a few drinks he was quite drunk and was barely able to talk.
Suffice to say that was a major turnoff for me and we’ve never seen each other after that date, although the date went quite well up to that point.
I’m not saying that all women will stay away if you’re drinking. I’m just saying that you guys should talk about this and see what works best for you and what are you guys doing regarding drinks.
- Don’t discuss other people
Unless you’re doing some harmless people watching together and seeing some interesting outfits or people around you, try to refrain from actually talking and especially bad-mouthing other people.
That tells a lot about your character and what type of person you are.
- Don’t get too excited too quick
Don’t just assume she’s the one just because the first date is going well.
Chemistry might be great, but you still need a bit of time to get to know them and if you’re actually compatible with them.
- Find out what her Love Language is.
If you haven’t heard about the Love Languages, these are 5 different types of how we want to be loved and how we show love.
By learning what is your main language and how to spot it in others, you get a quick insight into what your date is like and what they like when it comes to dating and relationships.
Read up on Love Languages and what are the questions you can ask to find them in others and they will help you navigate dating.
- Pay for dinner
Offer to pay for dinner, but if she insists on paying her half let her do it.
In this day and age it is ok for women to also pay not just men. There are some women who are quite determined to pay for their own food. And you know what? That’s completely ok.
It doesn’t make you less of a man.
Just bear in mind that I said ‘INSISTS’. That means that she says it 2 or more times that she would like to cover her half.
If she just says it one time, then go ahead and pay for the whole dinner, or whatever it was you were getting. But if she insists on covering at least half you can respect her wishes and do that.
For me personally this was never an issue. Not even with my last date, who is now my husband. Paying for things was never an issue between us. We had other, more important things to do and talk about.
Even our very first city break together I’ve paid for and we enjoyed nevertheless.
But I do understand that this subject can be quite sensitive for some people so it is always better to discuss this.
Dating Advice For After The Date Took Place
- Be as polite as you were at the beginning.
Even if you weren’t too impressed with your date, there’s no reason to stop being polite and hold her coat, or open the door for her.
Being polite is about you as a person and your character and it should’n be dependent on other people’s behavior.
- Make sure she’s safe.
Either take her home (if you picked her up) or walk her to a taxi, tram or bus. If it’s night time you can wait with her there just to help her feel safe.
Over the years I’ve realized that men don’t understand how important safety is for women. And hence many don’t think about little things like these. And this is why I’m telling you to pay attention to this detail as well.
But for women, it counts sooo much.
- The next day call
Call or text the next day to get some feedback about the date. IF you did not get it just after the date. Try to understand if there was anything that she didn’t like or anything that she liked in particular.
Obviously do this only if you’re interested in seeing her again. In which case her feedback would be quite useful in arranging future dates.
- Don’t waste her time
If you’re not interested in seeing her again, still call her and at least let her know.
She might get upset, especially if she really liked you, but at least you’re honest and not wasting her time.
There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone that you like and thought the date was going well. And then, they just ghost you.
At the end of the day, we’re all adults and we can handle the truth.
You don’t need to be rude about your feedback in case you don’t want to see them again. It is enough to say that you simply want different things, or that you’re not compatible with each other.
Try to refrain from using lame excuses like: I’m really busy at my work, or the infamous: ‘It’s not you, it’s me’.
Nobody believes these and frankly they’re so expired that they’re almost an insult.
- Debrief with someone you trust.
If you’re unsure about the date, talk things through with someone you trust. Discussing things and getting a different perspective on the situation can help you get clear on whether you’re actually compatible with this person or not.
Others see from the outside what we fail to see from the inside, especially because we want to be liked so much that many times we’re missing red flags.
