Today we’re talking about the stages of divorce and how to handle them.
Ready?
Let’s go!
Divorce sucks!
There, I said it.
It’s like waking up after a wild night and realizing you drunk-texted your ex… except this is your whole life.
We all know divorce is rough, but what about those little details no one tells you?
What about the the messy, weird, and sometimes downright hilarious parts of the stages of divorce that sneak up on you?
Let’s dive into what really happens during the stages of separation and how they mix with the good ol’ 5 stages of grief breakup in ways you didn’t expect.
Grab a snack, maybe some tissues, and let’s get real.
Stage 1: The “This Can’t Be Happening” Shock
Divorce? Me? Nah, couldn’t be.
This first stage of divorce is denial, just like in the 5 stages of grief breakup, but with a twist.
It’s not just about denying that the relationship is over.
It’s about denying everything.
You’ll convince yourself that you’re totally fine. “Oh, we’re just having a rough patch,” you’ll say, while eating an entire pizza by yourself.
The truth?
The rough patch is more like a mountain, and you’re about to start hiking it with flip-flops on.
And then the weird things start happening: suddenly, you’re panic-buying scented candles because apparently, your living room needs to smell like “tropical rainstorm” if you’re going to be single.
Maybe you sign up for that Pilates class you’ve been avoiding for years, thinking, “I’m going to get in shape. I’ll be the hottest single out there.”
Right?
Except you’re so sore after that first class, you can’t even sit down to cry properly.
Let’s not forget the finances.
Oh yeah, reality hits fast when you realize you’re paying for everything.
The WiFi bill?
Yours.
Groceries?
Yours.
That Amazon Prime membership you’ve been mooching off your ex?
You guessed it: yours now.
You’ll have a brief moment of “Should I just go off the grid?” Don’t worry, that’ll pass when you remember how much you love free two-day shipping.
And there’s the social media nightmare:
Are you supposed to change your relationship status?
Should you delete your wedding pictures?
What about your shared Spotify playlists?
Do you keep them?
Do you keep listening to them?
Nothing prepares you for the weird feelings you get when “your song” comes on shuffle while you’re just trying to fold laundry.
Let me tell you something: nobody warns you about the emotional whiplash of realizing you can now binge-watch whatever you want, but also the creeping loneliness of not having someone to debate the next series with.
It’s this odd mix of liberation and “Wait, am I supposed to be enjoying this?” that makes you feel like a human rollercoaster.
Pro tip: It’s okay to feel a little unhinged during this stage.
Take deep breaths, stock up on comfort food, and maybe, just maybe, delete that Netflix password you’ve been sharing for years.
It’s time to take control of your binge-watching destiny.
Stage 2: The Lawyer-Finding Marathon
Here’s a fun fact: you’ll Google “best divorce lawyer near me” about a hundred times.
And let me tell you, it’s like online dating but worse.
You’ll scroll through profiles, read reviews, and find yourself judging people based on their headshots. “Does this lawyer look like someone who can take my ex down?”
Spoiler alert: headshots lie.
This stage of divorce is pure strategy mode, except you feel completely unqualified for the job.
Everyone you know suddenly becomes a divorce expert.
Your co-worker? “Oh, my cousin went through this last year, let me tell you what they did.”
Your Aunt Nancy? “I read an article on Facebook about how to get half of everything. You just need a good case!” Thanks, Aunt Nancy, but I don’t think that’s how it works.
And then, once you find a lawyer, comes the paperwork.
Oh boy, the paperwork.
You didn’t sign this much when you got married!
There are forms for everything: bank accounts, assets, even your pets.
And no one talks about the pet custody debates.
You’ll find yourself saying things like, “But the cat prefers me!” as if Mr. Whiskers can weigh in with a vote.
But wait, it gets better.
While you’re dealing with paperwork, your ex might suddenly become a lawyer genius.
Somehow, they now understand legal jargon like they’ve been watching reruns of Suits on loop.
You’ll be reading through a clause about property division, and they’ll casually say something like, “I don’t think you can claim that based on subsection 4.”
Excuse me, who are you, and when did you become a paralegal?
And don’t even get me started on the emotions.
The stages of separation are in full swing here.
You’re physically separating your stuff, but you’re also emotionally separating from a life you built together.
Signing on the dotted line feels like a gut punch, and yet, there’s a weird sense of relief too.
Like, “Okay, this is real now. We’re really doing this.” It’s heavy.
Pro tip: Find a lawyer you trust, not just one with the best reviews.
You’ll need someone who can handle the legal stuff, but also someone who gets that you’re not just dividing assets.You’re dividing a life.
And while you’re at it, maybe get a therapist too.
You’ll be navigating both legal forms and feelings, and trust me, you’re going to need all the support you can get.
Plus, lawyers are expensive. Better save some emotional breakdowns for a cheaper hourly rate.
Stage 3: The “Do I Really Need 8 Sets of Towels?” Breakdown
Welcome to the wild world of divorce-induced decluttering, where you’ll suddenly question every item you own.
It’s not just about splitting assets. It’s a full-blown existential crisis over stuff.
You’ll stare at your kitchen drawers and wonder, “How many spatulas does one person really need?”
Spoiler: definitely not six.
Here’s the thing no one tells you about this stage: dividing your life is way more emotional than you think.
It’s not just about deciding who gets the air fryer. It’s about the memories attached to it.
Like, remember that one time you both tried to make homemade fries and almost burned down the kitchen?
Yeah, suddenly, deciding who gets that appliance feels like the final frontier of your emotional baggage.
And then there’s the towels.
Oh, the towels.
You’ll dig through your linen closet and find eight sets.
Seriously, where did they even come from?
Did you ever need this many towels, or did you and your ex subconsciously start stockpiling them like you were preparing for a towel apocalypse?
It’s about letting go of the life you shared, down to the last hand towel.
Oh, and don’t forget the weird random stuff.
You’ll find things you didn’t even know you owned. “Why do we have a fondue set?
And who thought it was a good idea to get matching monogrammed coasters?”
Cue the bargaining phase of the 5 stages of grief breakup, but this time, it’s over who gets the half-used vanilla-scented candle and the assortment of Tupperware lids with no matching bottoms.
And then there’s the furniture debate.
Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite as awkward as two people trying to split a couch. “You take the cushions, I’ll take the frame,” you joke, but secretly, you both want to keep it.
Why?
Because it’s not just a couch, it’s where you binge-watched Netflix together, had late-night talks, and maybe even shared your last argument.
But you can’t split a couch.
Well, not unless you’re prepared to live a very uncomfortable and cushion-less life.
Also, side note: people will tell you to just sell things and start fresh.
Easy, right?
Not so fast.
You’ll convince yourself that you should keep the weirdest things, like that old coffee maker that only works half the time.
Why?
“Because it has sentimental value!” you’ll claim, as if a glitchy coffee machine is the last thread holding your past life together.
Pro tip: It’s okay to let go of stuff.
Yes, even the air fryer.
Let your ex have it, and buy yourself a new one. Think of it as part of your glow-up.
And when it comes to those eight sets of towels?
Keep two, donate the rest, and trust me, you won’t miss them.
You’re building a new life, and you’ll need way less than you think.
Plus, fewer towels means less laundry.
Silver linings!
Stage 4: The “Single Life, What’s That?” Shockwave
Suddenly, you’re single again, but honestly, what does “single” even mean in this day and age?
Spoiler alert: it’s a weird, confusing place.
You’ve been out of the game for a while, and let’s be real, dating now is like trying to navigate a jungle with nothing but a spoon.
The stages of separation really hit hard here because you’re officially untethered, but emotionally?
Still somewhere between, “Do I text them one last time?” and, “Is it too soon to change my relationship status on Facebook?”
First things first: online dating.
Oh boy!
You’ll bravely download Tinder (or Bumble, or Hinge) and immediately regret it.
Why?
Because the profiles you scroll through will make you question humanity.
There’s the guy holding a fish in every single photo. Why? Why so many fish?!
Or the “gym bros” who feel the need to remind you they “live at the gym” but can barely string together a sentence longer than three words.
And then, just for fun, there’s the mysterious one-liner profiles: “Just ask.” No, thank you, sir. I won’t.
And let’s not forget the beauty of messaging.
Ah, the awkward dance of first messages.
Some people come in way too strong. “Hey gorgeous, wanna grab coffee?” five minutes into matching. Slow down, buddy!
Then there’s the opposite: the painfully slow responders. You’ll wonder if he’s busy or just lost his phone in a black hole.
The truth?
He’s probably just ghosting you, and honestly, that’s something you’ll have to get used to real quick in this brave new world.
But wait, it gets better.
If you decide to go on a first date, it’s a whole other level of awkward.
Suddenly, you’re sitting across from a stranger, trying to make small talk while internally screaming, “Is this what I have to do for the rest of my life?” It’s like learning a foreign language all over again: Single-ese, where topics like “So, what do you do for fun?” feel clunky and exhausting.
Remember when you could just Netflix and chill with someone who already knew your coffee order?
Yeah, sorry, but those days are gone.
At some point, the single life shockwave will hit you in waves.
One day, you’re loving the freedom: you can binge-watch whatever trashy reality show you want without judgment, eat cereal for dinner, and never have to share the bathroom again.
Bliss!
But then, the loneliness creeps in.
There’s no one to share your latest TikTok obsession with or complain to about your weird neighbor.
The silence can be deafening.
You’ll scroll through your phone, debating whether to text your ex.
Don’t!
Seriously!
Step away from the phone!
Oh, and your friends will have so much advice.
They’ll try to set you up with “this great guy from work” or tell you to “get back out there, girl!”
But let’s be real: you’re still figuring out what being out there even means.
You’ll think about doing something dramatic, like going vegan or getting bangs (which seems to be a post-breakup rite of passage).
But trust me, bangs are not your friend right now.
Neither is radically changing your diet unless you’re ready for post-divorce digestive issues.
And what about the awkwardness of running into your ex?
You’re out there living your single life, trying to remember what it’s like to flirt, and bam! there they are, casually strolling into your favorite coffee shop like they didn’t just blow up your life.
Cue the mental panic: Do I look okay?
Should I say hi?
Why am I sweating?
Your heart will do a little somersault, but here’s the trick: play it cool. Even if you’re dying inside, channel your inner Beyoncé and pretend it’s no big deal.
Pro tip: Embrace the awkwardness of being single again.
Yes, it’s weird.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable.
But also, yes, you’re free!
You can take this time to rediscover yourself.
Get out there, but not just for dating.
Try new hobbies, travel, or just enjoy solo brunches with your favorite book.
It’ll be weird at first, but eventually, you’ll find a rhythm.
And hey, don’t rush the dating thing!
Single life is actually kinda nice once you get past the Tinder trauma.
Just… no bangs, okay?
Stage 5: The “Wow, I’m Actually OK” Glow-Up
Here it is: the moment you never thought would come.
After all the tears, awkward dates, and towel debates, you’ve finally hit the acceptance stage of the 5 stages of grief breakup.
And guess what?
You’re not just surviving.
You’re thriving!
Seriously, you’ll wake up one day, look in the mirror, and think, “Wow, I’m actually okay!” And it’ll feel like magic, but it’s really just you finding your inner glow-up.
Let’s talk about this glow-up, because it’s not just about hitting the gym or getting a new haircut (although, a fresh cut never hurts).
No, this is a soul-level glow-up!
You’ll find yourself rediscovering parts of you that got lost in the relationship.
Hobbies you used to love?
You’ll pick them up again and wonder why you ever stopped.
Remember when you were into painting, or running, or learning French on Duolingo?
Well, now’s the time to dive back into all of that.
Except maybe Duolingo. You don’t need that owl harassing you about missing a lesson.
Suddenly, you’re laughing more.
At first, it’s weird.
Like, you’ll catch yourself enjoying things again and think, “Am I allowed to be happy? Is this okay?”
Yes, it’s more than okay!
You’ve been through the emotional ringer, and you deserve to laugh.
You’ll binge-watch your favorite shows without the guilt, dance in your living room just because, and maybe even treat yourself to some new clothes.
Forget the breakup playlist!
It’s time for your glow-up anthem!
Here’s the fun part no one talks about: this glow-up isn’t just physical.
You’ll start noticing that your mind feels lighter too.
All the emotional weight you carried around for months?
Gone!
You’ll finally delete the old texts, throw out that last sentimental hoodie, and maybe even unfollow your ex on social media without a second thought.
Freedom feels good, doesn’t it?
Speaking of freedom, you’ll find that being single isn’t the terrifying void you once thought it was.
It’s actually kind of amazing.
You’ll discover how nice it is to make decisions just for yourself.
Want to take a last-minute trip?
Do it!
Want to eat cereal for dinner three nights in a row?
Go for it!
There’s a certain joy in living life on your own terms, without having to compromise.
You’ll start to love your own company and realize that being alone doesn’t mean being lonely.
Let’s also talk about your newfound confidence.
You’ll notice it in little things, like walking into a room and not feeling the need to prove yourself.
Or when someone asks you about the divorce, and instead of crumbling, you smile and say, “Yeah, it was rough, but I’m good now.”
Because you are!
You’re more than good.
You’re thriving.
And the best part?
You did it on your own.
No one else can take credit for your glow-up but you.
There’s also this moment where you realize that the best relationship you can have is with yourself.
Cheesy?
Maybe.
True?
Absolutely.
You’ll learn to love yourself in ways that you couldn’t before.
And when you reach that point, it’s like a superpower.
You’ll stop worrying about what others think and start living for you.
That’s the real glow-up.
Pro tip: Don’t rush this stage!
Savor it.
Enjoy rediscovering who you are without anyone else’s influence.
Take yourself out on dates, pamper yourself, and most importantly, be proud of how far you’ve come.
You didn’t just survive divorce!
You blossomed into the best version of yourself. And that is something to celebrate every single day.
Conclusion
So, there you have it: the real stages of divorce in all their messy, emotional, and surprisingly empowering glory.
It’s a journey, no doubt about that, but at the end of it, you’ll find that you’re stronger, more confident, and maybe even laughing a little more than you thought possible.
But hey, let’s be honest, nobody wants to go through the stages of separation if they don’t have to, right?
That’s why it’s so important to nurture the relationship you’re in now.
One of the best ways to do that?
Improving communication with your partner.
That’s where the Better Topics Card Game for Couples comes in.
Click here to get the Better Topics Card Game for Couples!
This game is the perfect tool to help you and your significant other communicate better, bond more deeply, and, best of all, keep things playful and fun.
Instead of letting misunderstandings pile up, you’ll be having meaningful conversations that bring you closer together.
The questions and prompts in the game are designed to spark deeper discussions, resolve issues before they turn into big problems, and even inject a little light-hearted fun back into your relationship.
So why not give it a try?
Whether you’re newly in love or have been together for years, the Better Topics game can help you reconnect and keep that spark alive.
After all, the best relationships are the ones where you can talk about anything, and laugh while doing it.
Go ahead, grab the game, and play it with your partner.
It might just be the key to avoiding all those stages of divorce down the line!
