How to stop being a narcissist starts with a simple question: Do people walk away exhausted after talking to you?
If yes, we need to chat.
Being a narcissist doesn’t mean you’re evil.
It just means you’ve made everything about you for way too long.
Maybe you hijack every conversation.
Maybe you love playing the victim.
Maybe you think apologizing is only for weaklings.
Sound familiar?
No shame, but also… time to fix it.
If you’re still reading, congrats!
You’re at least open to change.
Let’s go!
Step 1: Stop Acting Like the Main Character
News flash: Life isn’t your personal movie, and the rest of us aren’t background actors.
Everyone has their own problems, dreams, and embarrassing childhood stories.
Yours aren’t more important just because they’re yours.
Start noticing how often you steer conversations back to yourself.
If someone says, “I’m so tired,” and you reply with, “You think you’re tired? I only got three hours of sleep!”, you’ve got work to do.
Instead, try, “Oh no, why are you so tired?”
See?
Growth.
Another test: Think about the last time someone shared good news.
Did you say, “Wow, that’s amazing! Tell me more!”?
Or did you say, “Oh yeah, that reminds me of the time I did something similar!”?
Be honest.
If you’re constantly shifting the focus back to you, people will start sharing less with you.
And trust me, you don’t want that.
Also, if you dominate group conversations like a talk-show host who forgot there are guests, it’s time to pause.
Conversations should be a game of catch, not dodgeball.
If you keep throwing the ball back to yourself, no one else gets to play.
One easy trick?
Count how many times you say “I” in a conversation.
If you hit double digits in under five minutes, take a breath.
Ask a question.
Let someone else shine.
You won’t disappear, I promise!
Step 2: Take the “No One Cares” Challenge
How to stop being a narcissist?
Try talking about someone else for a full conversation.
No slipping in your own experiences.
No twisting it back to you.
Just listen!
If you start feeling itchy, fight through it.
This isn’t about you.
Ask follow-up questions.
Let the other person have the spotlight.
If the urge to one-up them is too strong, bite your tongue.
Literally, if needed.
To make this easier, set a challenge for yourself: Have a five-minute conversation where you don’t say “I,” “me,” or “my” at all.
Feels weird, right?
That’s because you’re used to making everything about you.
Keep practicing until it gets easier.
Also, pay attention to body language.
If someone’s eyes glaze over while you talk, take the hint.
If they keep glancing at the door, you might be over-explaining your life story again.
And if they respond with “Wow, that’s crazy” more than twice, you have lost them.
Redirect the conversation back to them before they escape.
And here’s a pro tip: If someone tells a story, instead of replying with your similar experience, just react to theirs.
Say things like, “That sounds amazing! What happened next?”
Or “Wow, that must’ve been tough. How did you handle it?”
Give them space to continue instead of hijacking the moment.
Lastly, practice this with people who aren’t your closest friends.
Strangers, coworkers, even the barista at your favorite coffee shop.
The goal is to retrain your brain to focus on others, not just the people you want to impress.
Step 3: Learn the Art of Being Wrong
Being wrong won’t make you melt.
Narcissists struggle with admitting mistakes.
They argue, deflect, or pretend they didn’t hear you.
If this is you, practice saying, “You’re right, I was wrong.”
No excuses, no “buts,” no dramatic sighs.
Just own it!
People will actually respect you more when you admit fault.
Weird, right?
But let’s dig deeper: why is admitting you’re wrong so hard?
For many narcissists (or just stubborn people), being wrong feels like losing.
Like if you admit a mistake, people will think less of you.
But reality check: Everyone already knows you’re wrong.
They’re just waiting to see if you’ll acknowledge it.
And guess what?
The longer you resist, the worse you look.
Here’s a trick: If someone calls you out and your first instinct is to argue, pause.
Take a breath.
Ask yourself, “Do I actually know I’m right, or do I just want to be right?”
If it’s the latter, zip it.
Give yourself a second to process before responding.
And let’s talk about fake apologies.
You know, the ones that start with, “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Or “I’m sorry, but…”
No!
Just no!
Those aren’t apologies, they’re excuses in disguise.
Instead, try:
“I see now that I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
“That was my mistake. I’ll do better next time.”
“You’re right, I messed up. I appreciate you telling me.”
Short.
Sweet.
No damage control.
Just accountability.
Oh, and a bonus tip?
Learn to laugh at yourself.
If someone points out a silly mistake you made, instead of getting defensive, just roll with it.
Say, “Wow, I really did that, huh? Not my finest moment.”
Owning your flaws makes you more likable—not less.
At the end of the day, admitting you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you someone people can actually trust.
And that’s a much better reputation than “the person who argues with Google.”
Step 4: Ditch the Emotional Manipulation Starter Pack
Let’s retire some bad habits, shall we?
The silent treatment?
Childish.
Guilt-tripping?
Not cute!
Gaslighting?
Nope, we’re done with that!
People should feel safe around you, not like they need a therapist after every conversation.
If you’re constantly testing people to see if they “care enough” to chase you, stop.
Just tell them what you need like an adult.
Now, let’s get real about manipulation.
Some of these habits might be so ingrained in you that you don’t even realize you’re doing them.
But if people often tell you they feel drained, guilty, or confused after talking to you, there’s a good chance you’re pulling some emotional tricks, intentionally or not.
Here are some sneaky manipulation tactics you need to ditch ASAP:
Weaponized Insecurity:
Constantly saying things like, “I guess I’m just a terrible person” to get people to reassure you?
That’s not self-awareness, that’s fishing for validation.
Instead of guilt-trapping people into comforting you, try asking directly for support.
Example: “I’m feeling really down today, could we talk?”
That’s honesty, not manipulation.
Emotional Blackmail:
Ever said, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this”?
That’s manipulation in its purest form.
Love and friendship aren’t measured by how much someone bends to your will.
If you need something, ask.
But don’t tie it to their loyalty.
Playing the Victim (All the Time):
Yes, bad things happen to you.
But bad things happen to everyone.
If every story you tell makes you look like an innocent victim surrounded by villains, people will start to see the pattern, and not in a good way.
Take responsibility where it’s due.
Not every disagreement is an attack.
Selective Memory:
Do you conveniently “forget” things that make you look bad?
Do you rewrite history to make yourself the hero?
If people keep calling you out for remembering things differently, it’s time to admit that maybe your memory isn’t the problem, your ego is.
Guilt as a Weapon:
“After everything I’ve done for you…”
No!
If you’re keeping score in relationships, you’re not being generous, you’re making people earn your love.
Do things because you want to, not because you expect something in return.
Here’s the truth: If you use these tactics, people will catch on.
Maybe not immediately, but eventually.
And when they do, they won’t argue with you about it, they’ll just start avoiding you.
So, what do you do instead?
Say what you actually mean.
No cryptic messages or “figure it out yourself” tests.
Ask for what you need directly, without emotional strings attached.
Accept when people say no without punishing them.
Take responsibility for your mistakes without twisting the story.
Bottom line?
Relationships aren’t a game, and people aren’t pawns.
The moment you stop playing mind tricks, you’ll notice something amazing: People will actually want to be around you.
No guilt required.
Step 5: Give, Without Expecting a Trophy
Do something nice without announcing it to the world.
Seriously.
Try it.
If you only do good things when there’s an audience, you’re not a good person, you’re a performer.
Give a compliment without expecting one back.
Help a friend without mentally adding it to their “debt” list.
Being kind shouldn’t feel like a transaction.
But let’s get into the real reason this is hard for narcissists: It’s because deep down, you believe every good deed deserves a reward.
Maybe it’s praise, maybe it’s recognition, or maybe it’s just the feeling of being better than others.
And when you don’t get that validation?
You feel cheated.
Like, “Wow, I just suffered through an act of kindness and no one even thanked me? Rude.”
Here’s the harsh truth: True generosity doesn’t come with a receipt.
If you’re only giving so you can mentally cash it in later, you’re not generous, you’re a businessperson running an emotional loan service.
Some signs you might be doing this:
- You get secretly annoyed when people don’t praise your kindness.
- You remind people of “all the things you’ve done” when they disappoint you.
- You feel personally insulted when someone doesn’t return the favor.
- You volunteer or help others mainly when there’s a chance you’ll be seen as the hero.
- Oof. If any of these hit home, don’t panic. Just start shifting your mindset.
Here’s a challenge: Do something nice this week and tell no one about it.
Not your partner, not your friends, not even your social media followers.
Just… do it.
And then sit with the feeling.
If you feel cheated after, that’s your ego talking.
Ignore it.
Try again.
And let’s talk about compliments.
If you compliment someone, but it’s really just a sneaky way to fish for one back, that’s not generosity.
Example: “You look amazing! I’ve been working out too, actually.”
Nope.
Just say, “You look amazing!” and leave it there.
No extra information about yourself.
No expectation that they’ll return the favor.
Complimenting people shouldn’t be a sneaky way to boost your own confidence.
Same goes for gift-giving.
If you’re giving someone a present with the secret hope that they’ll praise you, cry happy tears, and call you the best person ever, check yourself.
A true gift comes with no strings attached.
If someone doesn’t react the way you hoped, that’s not on them. It just means your generosity was more about you than them.
So here’s the final test: The next time you do something kind, ask yourself, “Would I still do this if no one ever knew about it?”
If the answer is no… well, that’s your answer.
Step 6: Therapy Is Cool, Not a Crime
Look, self-reflection is hard.
And sometimes, we need professional help to do it properly.
Therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you care enough to get better.
A therapist can help you figure out why you act this way and how to stop.
Because let’s be real, this didn’t start yesterday.
Here’s the thing: Narcissistic behaviors don’t magically appear overnight.
They’re usually rooted in deep-seated fears, past wounds, or learned survival tactics.
Maybe you grew up in a home where love had to be earned through achievements.
Maybe you were constantly told you were special, and now any criticism feels like a personal attack.
Maybe you were ignored as a kid, so you learned to demand attention in any way possible.
Whatever the case, therapy helps you untangle this mess.
It’s not about blaming your parents or finding excuses, it’s about understanding why you do the things you do so you can finally stop.
But let’s address the elephant in the room: Why do narcissists avoid therapy like it’s the plague?
Fear of being exposed
A therapist isn’t going to nod along and tell you you’re perfect.
That’s terrifying if you’re used to controlling the narrative.
Avoidance of discomfort
Self-reflection hurts.
Therapy forces you to sit with emotions you’d rather ignore.
Ego protection
If your entire identity is built on being right all the time, admitting you need help feels like failure.
The “I’m not that bad” excuse
You compare yourself to worse people and convince yourself you’re fine.
“At least I’m not that guy.”
Here’s the reality: If multiple people in your life have told you that you’re difficult, exhausting, or manipulative, you should probably talk to someone about it.
And no, not your best friend who always takes your side.
A real therapist.
If the idea of therapy makes you nervous, start small:
Read books on self-awareness.
Try journaling.
Write down moments where you felt defensive or reacted badly. Look for patterns.
Ask yourself hard questions. “Why do I need so much validation?”
“Why do I struggle to apologize?”
“Why do I feel the need to control how people see me?”
But let’s be clear: self-help books and journaling are not replacements for real therapy.
If you’re serious about change, get a professional involved.
They’ll call you out on your nonsense in ways your friends won’t.
And guess what?
Going to therapy doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you someone who actually gives a damn about being better.
If you’re really as great as you think you are, prove it by being brave enough to fix what’s broken.
Step 7: Develop a Hobby That Isn’t “Being Liked”
If your entire personality is built around being admired, you’re going to be miserable.
Try doing something that has nothing to do with impressing others.
This is one of the sneakiest narcissistic habits, choosing hobbies, interests, and even careers based on how much attention they bring.
Do you actually enjoy what you do, or do you just like how it makes you look?
Be honest.
Would you still do it if no one ever praised you for it?
Let’s test this:
If you love working out, but only because people comment on your progress, would you still go to the gym if no one noticed?
If you’re always the one planning social events, is it because you love bringing people together, or do you just like being the center of attention?
If you post your cooking experiments online, is it because you enjoy cooking, or because you crave the “Wow, you’re so talented” comments?
See the pattern?
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying validation, it’s human.
But if you strip away the admiration, and suddenly your hobbies feel pointless, that’s a problem.
So what’s the fix?
Find something you genuinely enjoy that has nothing to do with other people’s opinions.
Something you do just for you.
Some ideas:
Cooking without posting it online.
Just make the food.
Eat it.
No photos.
No “Look at my gourmet dinner!” updates.
Gardening: Plants don’t care if you’re cool.
They just want water.
Journaling, not blogging.
Not posting deep thoughts on social media.
Just writing for yourself, where no one can see.
Learning a skill that takes time like pottery, woodworking, knitting, playing an instrument.
Something where the process is enjoyable, not just the final product.
Hiking or solo walks, no need to tell everyone you hit 10,000 steps.
Just enjoy the movement.
Here’s the real challenge: Pick one hobby and don’t tell anyone about it.
No Instagram updates, no “Look what I’m working on!” posts.
Just do it for the sake of doing it.
If that idea makes you uncomfortable, well, that’s exactly why you need to try it.
When you stop living for applause, something magical happens: You start discovering who you actually are.
Not the version of you that gets the most likes, but the one that’s real.
And that’s the version people will actually want to be around.
Conclusion:
How to stop being a narcissist?
Simple: Try.
It’s not about becoming a doormat or erasing your personality, it’s about being self-aware enough to grow.
When you stop making everything about you, people will naturally want to be around you.
And guess what?
You’ll feel better too.
Real confidence doesn’t come from control or validation.
It comes from being someone who listens, gives, and genuinely connects with others.
Speaking of connection, if you really want to improve your relationships, you need to start talking, and not just about yourself.
That’s where the Better Topics Card Game for Couples comes in.
It’s the perfect tool to help you and your partner communicate, bond, and actually have fun doing it.
Unlike other games, it has repeatable questions, so you can play it endlessly without getting bored.
Communication doesn’t have to feel like a chore, it can be playful, engaging, and even deepen your relationship.
So, if you’re serious about becoming a better partner (and human), why not start with something fun?
Grab the Better Topics Card Game and make it a habit to listen, share, and grow together.
The best part?
You don’t have to be perfect, just willing to try.
