Wondering: how to save my marriage?
If you’re asking this, it means things aren’t great, but at least you care enough to fix them.
That’s a win.
Marriage isn’t a rom-com.
There’s no dramatic rain scene where one of you screams, “I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!” before a passionate kiss.
No!
It’s mostly deciding what’s for dinner and trying not to murder each other over laundry.
But if things feel off, like you’re roommates with shared bills instead of lovers, it’s time to shake things up.
Let’s skip the usual “communicate better” advice and dive into, somewhat, unexpected ways to save your marriage.
1. Stop Trying to Win
You know what’s fun?
Winning.
You know what’s not fun?
Winning at marriage.
Because if you win, guess what?
Your partner loses.
And that’s bad news.
Stop treating arguments like a courtroom battle.
No one is handing out trophies for “Most Correct Spouse.”
If your fights always end with “See? I told you so,” you’re doing it wrong.
Here’s the truth: being right feels good for about five seconds.
Then, you realize you’re stuck in a tense, awkward silence where no one wants to make eye contact. Is that really a win?
Instead, think of arguments like a team sport.
You’re not opponents, you’re teammates trying to beat the actual enemy: the problem itself.
If your Wi-Fi goes out, you don’t argue about who broke it, you work together to fix it.
That’s how marriage should work.
Still feel the urge to prove a point?
Ask yourself:
Will this matter in a year?
If not, let it go.
Is this helping or hurting my marriage?
If it’s hurting, stop.
Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
Pick wisely!
Sometimes, the best way to win in marriage is to let things go.
Not everything needs to be a debate.
If your partner swears that pineapple belongs on pizza and you disagree, let them live in their wrongness.
It’s fine.
Besides, think about this: Would you rather be right, or would you rather be loved?
Because it’s hard to cuddle with someone who’s still mad about last week’s argument over who loads the dishwasher better.
2. Rebuild the Friendship
Remember when you actually liked each other?
Back when you laughed together instead of just co-existing in the same house?
Back when you weren’t just business partners running a household, but actual friends?
Somewhere between paying bills, handling chores, and dealing with life, that friendship took a backseat.
But here’s the thing: marriage without friendship is just a very long to-do list with occasional cuddling.
And that’s boring.
Think about your best friend.
The person you choose to spend time with.
You don’t just talk logistics with them, you joke, you share dumb thoughts, you send them memes.
When was the last time you treated your spouse like that?
How to Bring Friendship Back Into Your Marriage:
Be Playful Again.
Tease each other.
Play-wrestle.
Have a fake debate about something ridiculous, like whether a hotdog is a sandwich.
Do Something Fun That Has Nothing to Do With “Being Productive.”
Not everything has to have a purpose.
Go to a trampoline park.
Try a new board game.
Build a blanket fort just because.
Laugh at the Same Stupid Stuff.
Inside jokes are relationship glue.
If you don’t have any, make some.
Find a terrible TV show and roast it together.
Give Each Other Nicknames That Make No Sense.
Call them something dumb like “Captain Snugglepants” or “Chief Snack Inspector.”
The more ridiculous, the better.
Send Each Other Random, Funny Texts.
Not just “What’s for dinner?” but “I just saw a dog that looks exactly like you, and I’m concerned.”
Be Silly on Purpose.
Dance horribly in the kitchen.
Sing off-key in the car.
Make weird faces at them across the room.
Marriage is serious business.
But that doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time.
Bring back the goofiness, and suddenly, your partner will feel like your best friend again, not just your life admin assistant.
3. Master the Art of the Unexpected Compliment
“You look nice today” is fine.
But “You’re the only person I trust to properly fold a fitted sheet” is next-level.
Most people give the same tired compliments:
You’re beautiful.
You’re smart.
You’re amazing.
And while those are nice, they’re also forgettable because everyone says them.
Your partner has heard “I love you” a million times.
But have they ever been praised for the way they never let the gas tank go below a quarter full?
Or for how they instinctively know exactly how many groceries will fit in the fridge?
Why Weird, Unexpected Compliments Work:
They make people stop and actually listen.
Nobody expects to be praised for their ability to parallel park on the first try.
They show that you pay attention to the little things.
They make people feel special in a way no one else can replicate.
How to Give the Best Unexpected Compliments:
Be ultra-specific.
Instead of “You’re a great cook,” say, “The way you season food is basically wizardry.”
Point out things they don’t think anyone notices. “I love the way your face lights up when you talk about a random fact you just learned.”
Make it personal. “I would 100% trust you to lead our survival group in a zombie apocalypse.”
Use humor. “If there was an Olympic event for organizing the pantry, you’d take home gold.”
Want bonus points?
Compliment them in front of other people.
Say something like, “Oh, you have no idea how good she is at fixing tech problems. It’s basically her superpower.”
Watch their face light up.
And don’t forget: compliments aren’t just for big moments.
They’re for the everyday stuff too.
The little things that make your partner uniquely them.
4. Bring Back the Early Relationship Energy
Remember when you actually tried to impress each other?
When you’d stay up texting, get butterflies before a date, and put actual effort into your appearance?
Fast forward a few years, and suddenly, “date night” means eating takeout in mismatched pajamas while scrolling on your phones.
Listen, comfort is great.
But too much comfort kills romance.
If your relationship feels like a never-ending episode of Survivor: Marriage Edition, it’s time to bring back that early relationship magic.
How to Reignite That New Relationship Spark:
1. Act Like You’re Dating Again
When you were first together, you actually tried.
You picked out outfits, planned dates, and flirted like your life depended on it.
So… why stop now?
Flirt.
Yes, even if you’ve been together forever.
Send suggestive texts.
Give them that look across the room.
Act like you have to win them over again.
Imagine you’re on your first few dates.
How would you talk to them?
How would you treat them?
Dress up for each other.
Not just for work or social events.
If you used to put effort into looking good for them, do it again.
2. Surprise Them Like You Used To
Back then, you did thoughtful little things just because.
Time to start that again.
Leave a sweet note in their wallet or car.
Buy them a random snack just because you saw it and thought of them.
Show up with their favorite coffee order without asking.
3. Do New Things Together
You know what’s a romance killer?
Routine.
You’ve been to the same restaurant 50 times.
You watch the same shows.
You talk about the same things.
Switch it up.
Try something totally new, even if it’s silly.
Take a dance class.
Go axe-throwing.
Try a food neither of you have ever had.
Play “Tourists in Our Own City” and visit spots you’ve never been to.
Change your normal date night.
Instead of dinner and a movie, try something unexpected, like a late-night arcade trip.
4. Recreate Old Memories
You don’t need to invent romance from scratch, you already have proof that you know how to have fun together.
Recreate your first date.
Same place, same food, same level of nervous excitement.
Listen to music you both loved when you first met.
Nostalgia is a powerful mood booster.
Watch an old TV show you binged together when you first started dating.
5. Make Your Partner Feel Wanted
In the beginning, you made them feel like the most attractive, interesting person on the planet.
Keep doing that.
Compliment them like you did when you first met.
Show interest in their day, even if they tell you boring things about work.
Hug them just a little longer than usual.
Marriage doesn’t have to be a slow descent into sweatpants and routine.
If you want excitement, create it.
The spark isn’t gone, you just have to fan the flames.
5. Respect Their Weirdness
Your partner is weird.
So are you.
That’s what makes marriage fun.
If you wanted to live with someone normal, you’d have married a robot.
At the beginning of the relationship, their quirks were cute.
Maybe even charming.
Now?
They might drive you slightly insane.
But here’s the thing, those quirks are part of who they are.
If you start rolling your eyes at the little things that make them unique, you’re chipping away at their confidence in the relationship.
Embracing your partner’s weirdness isn’t just about tolerating their quirks.
It’s about seeing them as the little things that make them them.
You don’t have to understand why they alphabetize their socks, refuse to drink coffee from any mug but their “lucky one,” or insist that ketchup belongs on literally everything.
But if it’s not hurting anyone, why fight it?
Some habits are just part of their DNA, and trying to change them is like trying to train a cat to fetch, frustrating for both of you and ultimately pointless.
Instead of silently enduring their quirks, lean into them.
Ask them about their weird hobby, even if it sounds like the dullest thing in the world.
Let them ramble about their favorite TV show and actually listen.
Try their bizarre food combination before making a face.
You don’t have to love what they love, but showing enthusiasm for their joy makes them feel seen.
And if something is particularly quirky, like their insistence on researching every single product before making a purchase, turn it into an inside joke.
Give their quirks a fun title, tease them in a loving way, and make their odd habits something you laugh about together instead of something that drives you up the wall.
The truth is, you’re not exactly normal either.
You probably have habits that seem perfectly reasonable to you but make your partner question their life choices daily.
Maybe you correct movie plot holes mid-scene, reorganize the dishwasher after they’ve loaded it, or refuse to eat leftovers after 24 hours.
Just like you want them to accept your little oddities, they want the same from you.
Instead of trying to smooth out each other’s quirks, celebrate them.
After all, their weirdness is part of what makes your relationship interesting.
Normal is overrated.
6. Say “Thank You” More Often
People expect to hear “I love you.”
But “Thank you” hits different.
Gratitude isn’t just polite, it’s a secret weapon for keeping your marriage strong.
When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to stop noticing the little things your partner does.
They cook dinner, pay bills, fix things around the house, take care of the kids, or handle annoying customer service calls.
Over time, these things start feeling normal.
But just because something is routine doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve appreciation.
“I love you” is emotional, but “Thank you” acknowledges effort.
It makes people feel seen and valued.
It encourages more good behavior (because who doesn’t like to be appreciated?).
Upgrading your “thank you” game isn’t just about remembering to say the words.
It’s about making gratitude a natural, everyday part of your relationship.
It’s easy to assume your partner knows you appreciate them, but without actually saying it, they might not.
People aren’t mind readers, and silent gratitude doesn’t have the same impact as spoken words.
A simple acknowledgment, even for the smallest things, can make your partner feel valued in ways you wouldn’t expect.
It’s not just about recognizing the big gestures, like planning a vacation or handling a stressful situation.
It’s about noticing the little things, the way they always check that the doors are locked before bed, the way they make sure your favorite snack is stocked, the way they let you have the last bite of dessert even though you both know they wanted it too.
These small acts of thoughtfulness can become invisible over time if they aren’t acknowledged.
Saying “thank you” for these tiny moments reminds your partner that their efforts don’t go unnoticed, and when people feel appreciated, they naturally want to keep doing more.
Beyond the everyday moments, gratitude becomes even more powerful when shared publicly or written down.
There’s something about hearing appreciation in front of others that makes it hit differently, like a small, unexpected reward for being a great partner.
And if speaking it out loud isn’t enough, writing it down can make an even bigger impact.
A note tucked into a bag, a random text in the middle of the day, or a message scribbled on the bathroom mirror can turn a regular day into something special.
Gratitude isn’t just about saying the words, it’s about making your partner feel like the effort they put into the relationship is truly seen.
7. Prioritize Physical Touch (Even When You’re Not in the Mood)
Physical touch is one of the simplest ways to maintain connection in a marriage, yet it’s often the first thing to fade when life gets hectic.
Between work, responsibilities, and exhaustion, it’s easy to fall into a routine where physical affection becomes an afterthought.
Without even realizing it, you might go days without more than a quick goodbye kiss, and over time, that lack of contact can make you feel more like business partners than a couple.
The problem isn’t a lack of love, it’s simply that touch no longer feels like a priority.
But the good news?
It’s one of the easiest things to fix.
Reintroducing more physical affection doesn’t have to be a grand gesture.
It’s about the small, everyday touches that remind your partner you’re there.
A quick squeeze of the hand when passing by, resting your head on their shoulder while watching TV, or lingering just a second longer in a hug can all make a difference.
Physical contact isn’t just about romance; it’s a silent way of saying, I see you.
I’m with you.
We’re in this together.
Even when words fail, a reassuring touch can cut through tension, ease stress, and bring warmth back into a moment.
If affection has started to dwindle, the trick isn’t to wait until you feel more affectionate, it’s to make touch a habit again, even in the smallest ways.
Reach for their hand without thinking, lean in for a hug even when you’re tired, and remind yourself that physical connection isn’t just something you do when the mood is right.
The more you touch, the more natural it becomes.
And before you know it, those small moments of closeness will bring back that familiar feeling of comfort, love, and intimacy that makes a marriage feel like home.
8. Talk Like a Human, Not a Lawyer
Arguments in a marriage can easily turn into a battle of who’s right instead of focusing on what actually matters, resolving the issue.
When conversations start feeling like legal debates, complete with accusations and counterpoints, both people stop listening and start preparing their defense.
And once that happens, the actual problem takes a backseat to the need to “win.”
But marriage isn’t about winning, it’s about understanding each other.
One of the quickest ways to make sure your partner actually listens is to focus on how you say things, not just what you say.
Instead of throwing out sweeping accusations, framing concerns as observations or personal feelings makes them easier to hear.
A frustrated “You never help out!” instantly puts someone on edge, but saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed and could use some help tonight” opens the door to cooperation instead of conflict.
The way something is phrased can be the difference between sparking defensiveness or inspiring a solution.
Being direct is just as important as being kind.
No one likes guessing games, and dropping vague hints or using sarcasm to express frustration usually leads to more miscommunication.
If something is bothering you, say it clearly.
If you need help, ask.
And if a conversation is getting heated, don’t underestimate the power of humor to break the tension.
A well-timed joke or a playful exaggeration can turn an argument into a moment of connection instead of division.
The more your communication sounds like a real conversation, one between two people who genuinely like and respect each other, the easier it will be to actually solve problems rather than just fight about them.
9. Stop Expecting Them to Read Your Mind
Hoping your partner will just “get it” without you having to say anything is one of the quickest ways to breed frustration in a relationship.
No matter how much they love you, they don’t have a sixth sense that alerts them when you need a hug, a break, or help with the dishes.
And yet, it’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming that if they truly cared, they’d automatically know what to do.
This kind of thinking doesn’t just create unnecessary tension, it sets your relationship up for failure by expecting the impossible.
Clear communication isn’t about making demands; it’s about giving your partner the chance to show up for you in the way you actually need.
Expressing what you want doesn’t make it less meaningful, it makes it more likely to happen.
If you’re feeling disconnected, tell them you’d love more quality time together instead of hoping they pick up on your mood.
If you’re overwhelmed, ask for help instead of waiting for them to notice.
They aren’t ignoring your needs on purpose, but they won’t always see things the way you do unless you spell it out.
The more direct you are, the less frustration builds.
Making open communication a habit rather than a last resort can completely shift the dynamic of your relationship.
Instead of bottling things up until resentment spills over, say what you need in the moment.
Instead of assuming they don’t care when they don’t anticipate your feelings, assume they simply don’t know yet.
The strongest relationships aren’t built on unspoken expectations but on two people who are willing to express themselves honestly and listen without defensiveness.
Your partner wants to make you happy, but they can’t do that if you don’t tell them how.
10. Make Boring Stuff Fun
Marriage isn’t built on vacations, date nights, or big romantic moments.
It’s built on the everyday things.
The errands, the chores, the long days that feel like they repeat themselves.
When you don’t find ways to make those moments enjoyable, your relationship can start to feel like a never-ending loop of responsibilities.
But turning routine tasks into opportunities for fun can bring a sense of playfulness back into your marriage, making even the most ordinary days feel special.
Injecting fun into the mundane doesn’t require a grand effort.
It’s about shifting the way you approach the little things.
Instead of treating chores like obligations, turn them into something you do together in a way that makes you laugh.
A kitchen can double as a dance floor, a grocery run can feel like an adventure, and even paying bills can be followed by a mini celebration.
The key is to stop thinking of these moments as just tasks to get through and start seeing them as small ways to connect.
When life gets busy, it’s easy to let fun slip to the bottom of the priority list, but keeping things lighthearted isn’t just about having a good time, it’s about keeping the bond between you strong.
Playfulness breaks up the monotony, relieves stress, and reminds you both why you enjoy being together.
Marriage isn’t about avoiding responsibilities; it’s about finding joy in the middle of them.
The more you embrace the silliness, the easier it becomes to navigate the everyday moments together.
Conclusion
Saving your marriage isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic love declarations, it’s about the small, everyday moments that bring you closer.
It’s about laughing together, showing appreciation, making boring things fun, and actually talking like two people who like each other.
The more effort you put into staying connected, the stronger your relationship will be.
One of the easiest (and most fun) ways to improve communication and bonding is by playing the Better Topics Card Game for Couples.
It’s designed to spark meaningful (and playful) conversations, helping you connect on a deeper level while keeping things lighthearted.
The best part?
The questions are repeatable, so you can play it again and again, unlike other games that you finish once and never touch again.
If you want to strengthen your marriage, improve communication, and bring more fun into your relationship, grab the Better Topics Card Game.
Make date nights more engaging, laugh together, and rediscover why you fell in love in the first place.
Because the best marriages aren’t just built on love, they’re built on great conversations.
