Cupiosexual is a term you might not hear often, but it’s important to understand.
It’s about desire.
Specifically, the desire for a sexual relationship, even without experiencing sexual attraction.
Sound confusing?
Don’t worry.
It’s not as complicated as it seems.
Many people identify as cupiosexual, but it’s often misunderstood.
Let’s break it down simply.
You might even realize it resonates with you.
So, what is cupiosexual, and how does it work?
Let’s explore this unique identity and how it fits into relationships.
What Is Cupiosexual?
Cupiosexual is a term used to describe individuals who do not experience sexual attraction but still have the desire to engage in sexual relationships or activity.
It’s often seen as a subcategory of asexuality, where someone identifies as ace (not experiencing sexual attraction) but feels a strong interest in the idea of sex or being sexually intimate with others.
It’s different from other terms under the asexual umbrella because a cupiosexual person might want to engage in sexual activities even if they don’t feel sexual attraction themselves.
For example, someone might enjoy the emotional closeness or intimacy that comes with sex, even if they’re not sexually drawn to their partner.
Let’s put it this way: while other asexual people might be repulsed by sex or feel indifferent to it, cupiosexual individuals find the idea of sex appealing, just not in the way allosexual (people who experience sexual attraction) individuals do.
How Does Someone Become Cupiosexual?
Sexuality is complex, and there’s no single path that leads someone to identify as cupiosexual.
Many people arrive at the label after a lot of self-reflection, particularly those who’ve struggled to reconcile the difference between wanting a sexual relationship and not actually feeling sexual attraction.
Cupiosexuality might develop from a mix of personal experiences, introspection, and perhaps even societal expectations around relationships and intimacy.
Sometimes, individuals might realize that while they don’t feel sexual attraction, they enjoy the closeness and bond that sexual activity provides.
Others may be drawn to the emotional fulfillment of being in a sexual relationship without necessarily being turned on by their partner.
It’s important to remember that there’s no one “right” way to be cupiosexual.
Sexuality is personal, and everyone’s journey is different.
Signs You Might Be Cupiosexual
So, how do you know if you might be cupiosexual?
Here are a few signs that could resonate with you:
- You don’t experience sexual attraction.
This is a core part of cupiosexuality.
While you may enjoy the idea of sex or even engage in it, you don’t feel that pull of attraction toward others in the way most people describe it.
- You desire a sexual relationship.
Despite not feeling sexual attraction, you find yourself wanting a sexual connection with someone.
You might be curious about sex or enjoy the intimacy it brings.
- You feel fulfilled by the idea of intimacy.
For you, the draw to sex may come more from the emotional or physical closeness with another person than any feelings of lust.
- You’ve struggled with defining your sexual identity.
If you’ve found yourself unsure of where you fit on the spectrum of sexuality, but you know that you don’t quite feel like the other labels fit, cupiosexuality might resonate with you.
- You’re not repulsed by sex.
Some asexual people feel sex is something they want to avoid, but cupiosexual individuals are usually open to it, even if the attraction part is missing.
Can You Still Have a Relationship If You’re Cupiosexual?
Absolutely!
Being cupiosexual doesn’t mean you’re destined to a life of loneliness or that you can’t enjoy romantic or sexual relationships.
It just means your relationship might look different from the norm, and that’s okay!
Many cupiosexual individuals have fulfilling relationships, though they often require open communication.
You might have to discuss boundaries, expectations, and what sex means for you and your partner.
Some cupiosexual people enjoy sex for the sake of closeness, while others might be more selective about when and with whom they engage.
Cupiosexuality can exist alongside romantic attraction too.
For example, you might fall in love with someone without feeling sexual attraction, but still want to be physically intimate.
Alternatively, you may not feel romantic attraction either, and you’re more interested in friendships that allow for that closeness.
The key is finding someone who respects your boundaries and understands where you’re coming from. There are plenty of people out there who value emotional intimacy just as much as sexual attraction.
How to Tell Someone You Are Cupiosexual (with Examples)
Coming out as cupiosexual can feel a bit daunting, especially because it’s not as widely understood as other identities.
But like any coming-out experience, it’s important to be true to yourself and clear about your feelings. Here are some tips for how to navigate that conversation:
- Choose the right moment.
Timing is everything!
Make sure you have a calm, private space where you can talk openly.
You want to be sure the other person is fully present and able to listen.
- Explain your feelings clearly.
You might start by explaining what cupiosexual means to you, as everyone’s experience can vary.
For example: “I’ve been thinking a lot about my sexuality, and I’ve realized that I don’t experience sexual attraction the way most people do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a sexual relationship. It’s more about the emotional connection for me.”
- Answer their questions
Since cupiosexuality isn’t as well-known, your partner might have some questions.
Be prepared to explain further, and be patient if they need time to understand.
For example: “It’s kind of like being asexual, but I still want to experience intimacy and closeness with you, even if I don’t feel sexual attraction the same way you do.”
- Reassure them of your interest
If you’re talking to a romantic partner, you may need to reassure them that your lack of attraction doesn’t reflect your feelings for them.
For example: “I care about you deeply and really want to be with you, but my relationship with sex is just a little different from what you might expect.”
- Be prepared for any reaction.
Some people might not immediately understand, and that’s okay.
Give them space to process your news, and be open to continuing the conversation as needed.
Ultimately, coming out as cupiosexual should be about sharing an important part of yourself, and if the person cares for you, they will want to understand and support you.
Conclusion
Understanding and embracing your identity as cupiosexual is an important step towards feeling more confident and comfortable in your relationships.
It’s all about communication, mutual understanding, and creating a safe space where both you and your partner can be honest about your needs and desires.
One of the best tools to help with that?
The Better Topics Card Game for Couples!
This fun and engaging game is designed to improve communication between partners, making it easier to discuss important topics, like being cupiosexual, in a relaxed and open way.
By playing the game, you and your partner can have deeper, more meaningful conversations, helping to strengthen your emotional connection.
So, if you’re ready to explore your feelings, share your experience of being cupiosexual, or just improve communication in your relationship, grab the Better Topics Card Game and start playing.
It’s the perfect way to bridge those difficult conversations while having fun together!
