Covenant marriage is like regular marriage, but with extra steps, extra rules, and extra commitment.
Sounds intense, right?
It kind of is.
What is a covenant marriage?
It’s a legally binding agreement where divorce isn’t an easy option.
You can’t just wake up one day, decide you’re done, and call a lawyer.
Nope!
You’ve got to have a serious reason, like cheating or criminal activity.
Most people don’t even know covenant marriage exists.
That’s probably because it only exists in three states: Louisiana, Arizona, and Arkansas.
If you’re in any other state, congratulations!
This isn’t even an option for you.
The Origins: Who Came Up with This Idea?
Covenant marriage was introduced in 1997 in Louisiana.
Apparently, they thought regular marriage wasn’t strict enough.
Arkansas and Arizona later jumped on board.
The goal?
Reduce divorce rates by making it harder to get divorced in the first place.
Instead of just signing a license, couples have to go through pre-marital counseling and agree to limited grounds for divorce.
It’s like a contract for people who take “forever” very seriously.
But here’s what most people don’t talk about: the real motivation behind it wasn’t just about love and commitment.
It was also a political and social push by certain groups who wanted to strengthen traditional family values.
At the time, divorce rates were skyrocketing, and some lawmakers thought making divorce more difficult would “save” the institution of marriage.
Funny enough, the idea didn’t exactly take off nationwide.
Only three states adopted it, while others either ignored it or rejected it outright.
Turns out, people like the option of an easy escape, even if they don’t plan on using it.
And here’s another twist: having a covenant marriage doesn’t make you immune to divorce.
Some studies suggest that couples who choose it aren’t necessarily happier or more successful in marriage.
They just have to jump through more hoops if things go south.
So while it sounds like a perfect solution for lifelong commitment, reality is a bit messier.
Also, here’s something weird: if you’re already married, you can actually upgrade to a covenant marriage, at least in Louisiana, Arkansas, and Arizona.
That’s right, if you wake up one day feeling extra committed, you can go back, do the paperwork, and make your marriage harder to escape.
Talk about doubling down.
So, while covenant marriage had big dreams of keeping love alive, it turns out most people still prefer regular marriage, where you don’t need a lawyer to break up over “irreconcilable differences.”
How Is It Different from a Regular Marriage?
A covenant marriage isn’t just about love and romance.
It’s about legal paperwork and hoops to jump through.
Here’s what makes it different:
- Pre-marital counseling is required.
You don’t just show up at the courthouse and sign some papers.
You have to sit through serious discussions first.
Think of it as Marriage Bootcamp, where you talk about finances, kids, conflict resolution, and what happens when one of you inevitably leaves wet towels on the bed.
It’s designed to make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into, because once you’re in, it’s much harder to get out.
- Divorce is harder.
In a regular marriage, you can say, “We grew apart,” and that’s enough.
In a covenant marriage?
Not even close.
You need a legally valid reason: like adultery, abuse, or a felony conviction.
So, if your spouse suddenly decides to quit their job and dedicate their life to collecting rare spoons, you can’t just file for divorce because you’re annoyed.
- Waiting periods.
Even if you meet the strict criteria for divorce, you still have to wait.
Some states require a long separation before a divorce is finalized.
That means even if both of you are ready to move on, you might be legally tied together for months, or years.
It’s like being forced to sit through the credits of a terrible movie before you’re allowed to leave.
- It only exists in three states.
If you move to a state that doesn’t recognize covenant marriage, things get murky.
Some states will treat it like a regular marriage, which means all those extra restrictions might not even apply.
So, if you think a covenant marriage is forever no matter what, your state line might have other ideas.
- You can’t switch back.
If you decide that a covenant marriage was a little too much commitment, you can’t just revert to a regular one.
There’s no downgrade button.
Once you sign up, you’re locked in, unless you go through an actual divorce, which, as we just covered, isn’t easy.
- It’s a legal contract, not just a romantic gesture.
Some couples see it as a way to prove their devotion, like an emotional pinky promise.
But in reality, it’s a legally binding agreement with long-term consequences.
If love fades and things get rough, the law will still hold you accountable for the promises you made.
So, if you’re the type of person who likes to keep your options open, a covenant marriage might feel like voluntarily signing up for an escape room with no emergency exit.
But if you love the idea of serious commitment, with a side of legal red tape, then maybe it’s exactly what you’re looking for.
Who Actually Chooses a Covenant Marriage?
You might be wondering: who voluntarily signs up for this?
Regular marriage already comes with enough commitment, why add legal handcuffs?
Surprisingly, some people actually want this extra level of difficulty.
Let’s break it down.
Couples who want their marriage to feel extra meaningful.
Some people love the idea of standing in front of family and friends, making vows, and signing a legal contract that says, “No, seriously, we really mean it.”
For them, a covenant marriage isn’t just a wedding, it’s a public declaration that divorce is not an option unless something extreme happens.
Religious couples.
Many churches encourage covenant marriage because it aligns with biblical principles of lifelong commitment.
If you grew up hearing that marriage should be forever no matter what, this might feel like the right choice.
Some pastors even require couples to opt into a covenant marriage if they want to be married in their church.
People who are super confident in their choice.
You know those couples who finish each other’s sentences, never fight about what’s for dinner, and swear they’ve “never had a single doubt”?
Yeah, those people.
They don’t just think they’ve found The One, they’re so sure that they’re willing to make it legally harder to leave, just to prove a point.
Hopeless romantics.
Some people think covenant marriage is the ultimate romantic gesture.
It’s like saying, I love you so much, I’m legally locking myself into this relationship forever.
They see it as a modern-day version of an unbreakable love vow, except this one requires government paperwork.
Couples who have seen too many divorces.
Some people grew up watching their parents go through multiple divorces, messy breakups, or expensive legal battles.
They want to do whatever it takes to avoid that happening to them.
To them, a covenant marriage is a way to safeguard their relationship from becoming another statistic.
People who believe in tough love.
There’s a certain type of person who believes that every marriage can be saved with enough effort.
They think that making divorce harder will force couples to work through any problem, even the ones that probably should lead to a breakup.
Already married couples who want to “upgrade.”
Yes, that’s a thing.
If you’re in Louisiana, Arkansas, or Arizona, you can actually convert your regular marriage into a covenant marriage.
It’s like taking your relationship from “standard edition” to “deluxe edition,” except the deluxe version makes breaking up way harder.
Some couples do this after years of marriage as a way to recommit to each other, kind of like renewing vows, but with legal consequences.
Now, let’s be real.
The majority of people don’t choose covenant marriage.
Most couples still prefer the freedom of a standard marriage, where they can love each other without needing government approval to break up if things go south.
But for those who truly believe in forever, and want the legal system to back them up, a covenant marriage is the ultimate commitment test.
The Pros: Why Some People Love It
There are actually some benefits to covenant marriage, especially if you like the idea of making marriage a rock-solid commitment.
Sure, it sounds intense, but for the right couple, it can be a game-changer. Here’s why some people love it:
- It forces couples to work on their relationship.
In a regular marriage, if things get tough, one or both partners might start thinking, Eh, maybe we should just call it quits.
But in a covenant marriage?
You have to put in the effort.
Counseling is required before you even get married, and if problems arise later, you’re encouraged (sometimes legally required) to try counseling before divorce is even an option.
It’s like having a built-in marriage coach that won’t let you quit when things get hard.
- It adds security.
Some people fear waking up one day to divorce papers because their spouse got bored.
With a covenant marriage, that’s way less likely to happen.
You both go into it knowing that this isn’t an easy-out kind of deal.
That extra layer of legal commitment can make people feel more secure in their marriage, knowing that their partner isn’t going to leave over minor disagreements.
- Pre-marital counseling sets you up for success.
In a regular marriage, no one makes you talk about the hard stuff before saying “I do.”
But in a covenant marriage, you have to go through pre-marital counseling.
That means you’ll discuss things like money, kids, conflict resolution, and family expectations before you legally bind yourself to someone.
This can prevent a lot of ugly surprises down the road.
- It encourages long-term problem-solving.
Let’s be honest, every marriage has rough patches.
But knowing that divorce isn’t a quick and easy option can push couples to actually work through their issues instead of running at the first sign of trouble.
It forces you to develop real conflict resolution skills instead of relying on the idea that “divorce is always an option.”
- It aligns with strong personal or religious beliefs.
For many, marriage is more than just a legal agreement, it’s a lifelong spiritual commitment.
A covenant marriage reinforces that belief in a very real way.
It’s a structured way to commit to the idea that marriage is meant to last forever, not just until things get inconvenient.
- It protects against impulsive breakups.
Everyone has bad days.
Everyone gets frustrated with their spouse.
But in a regular marriage, someone could technically file for divorce in a moment of anger or frustration.
A covenant marriage makes sure no one is making huge, life-altering decisions based on a bad week. If divorce ever does happen, it’s only after a long, carefully considered process.
- It might actually improve relationship quality.
Some couples say that knowing they’re in a covenant marriage makes them put in extra effort.
When both partners are aware that leaving isn’t an easy option, they might be more motivated to be patient, communicate better, and appreciate each other more.
It creates a mindset shift from “If this doesn’t work, I can leave” to “I need to make this work.”
- It filters out half-hearted commitments.
Covenant marriage isn’t for people who think they’re ready, it’s for people who know they’re ready.
Since it requires extra legal steps, counseling, and serious commitment, it naturally weeds out couples who aren’t completely sure about spending forever together.
Some see this as a great way to make sure both partners are fully invested before they even walk down the aisle.
Now, is covenant marriage for everyone?
Absolutely not.
But for couples who value commitment above everything else, it can be the ultimate way to reinforce their promise to stay together, through thick, thin, and way too many arguments about where to order takeout.
The Cons: Why It’s Not for Everyone
Of course, it’s not all sunshine and romance.
Here’s why some people would rather stick with a regular marriage.
- Divorce is complicated.
In a normal marriage, if things aren’t working out, you can file for divorce and be done (after some paperwork and emotional breakdowns, of course).
In a covenant marriage, you need a legally valid reason, and “we just don’t love each other anymore” doesn’t count.
If neither of you has cheated, committed a felony, or abandoned the other, you’re stuck.
That means if you’re just miserable but no one technically broke the rules, you’re in for a long, frustrating legal process.
What if you change your mind?
Imagine getting a tattoo of your partner’s name on your forehead.
And then realizing, five years later, Oops, that was a bad idea.
Covenant marriage is kind of like that, you can’t just erase it when you realize it might not have been the best decision.
If your relationship changes and you wish you had a regular marriage instead, too bad.
You’re in it unless you meet the strict legal requirements for divorce.
- It doesn’t account for personality changes.
People grow.
People change.
The person you married at 25 might not be the same person at 45.
In a regular marriage, you can recognize that and part ways amicably.
In a covenant marriage, you’re legally required to stay unless something drastic happens.
So if one of you develops wildly different beliefs, life goals, or a new personality (midlife crises happen), you still can’t walk away easily.
- It assumes all problems can be fixed.
Some relationships just don’t work, no matter how much effort you put in.
But covenant marriage is based on the idea that if you just try hard enough, you can make it work.
That’s not always true.
Some people are simply incompatible, but this kind of marriage makes it incredibly difficult to acknowledge that and move on.
- It only exists in three states.
If you move to a state that doesn’t recognize covenant marriage, things can get weird.
Some states might treat it like a normal marriage, while others might not even acknowledge the extra restrictions.
That means your “super serious, can’t-break-it” marriage could suddenly become a regular marriage depending on where you live.
Kind of defeats the whole purpose.
- It doesn’t prevent bad marriages, it just makes them harder to leave.
Let’s be honest: if someone is going to cheat, lie, or treat their spouse horribly, no contract is going to stop them.
A covenant marriage doesn’t magically create a perfect relationship.
It just makes it harder for people in bad relationships to leave.
That’s not always a good thing.
It could keep people trapped in toxic situations.
One of the biggest concerns with covenant marriage is that it might discourage people from leaving genuinely harmful relationships.
If you’re in an emotionally draining, controlling, or even low-key abusive situation, but it doesn’t meet the legal criteria for divorce, you could be stuck for years.
And since you have to prove your case legally, it can be even harder to break free from an unhealthy marriage.
It adds legal hoops that cost time and money.
- Divorce is already expensive.
But a covenant marriage can make it more expensive, because if you don’t meet the automatic divorce conditions (like adultery or a felony conviction), you may have to fight in court for years to prove why your marriage deserves to end.
That means more legal fees, more paperwork, and more stress.
- You can’t “downgrade” from a covenant marriage.
If a regular marriage feels too restrictive, you can always divorce.
But if a covenant marriage starts feeling too restrictive, there’s no option to just switch back to a regular one.
It’s a one-way ticket with no easy return policy.
So if you think there’s even a small chance you’ll want a little flexibility in the future, this might not be the best idea.
- It requires a lot of faith in your partner.
Covenant marriage assumes that both people will stay committed, responsible, and willing to work through problems forever.
But what if your partner stops putting in effort?
What if they emotionally check out?
What if they turn into a completely different person after a few years?
If your spouse isn’t on the same page about commitment and effort, you could find yourself legally bound to someone who’s already given up.
So while covenant marriage sounds great for people who never want to think about divorce, it’s also a huge gamble.
If it works, it really works.
But if it doesn’t?
Well… good luck getting out.
Is It the Right Choice for You?
So, should you sign up for a covenant marriage?
This isn’t just a “Do you love each other?” situation.
It’s more like “Are you absolutely, unquestionably, 100% sure you want to make this legally harder to leave?”
That’s a different level of commitment.
Before making a decision, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you love commitment?
Like, really love it?
We’re not talking about just wearing matching pajamas and sharing a Netflix account.
We mean the kind of commitment where, even when your partner leaves dishes in the sink for the thousandth time, you’re still saying, “Yep, this is my person for life.”
Are you okay with making divorce a last-last-last resort?
In a regular marriage, if things get bad, you have options. In a covenant marriage, you’re legally agreeing that only very specific (and sometimes extreme) circumstances are valid reasons for leaving.
That means “falling out of love” isn’t good enough.
Feeling unhappy?
Not good enough.
Realizing you married someone who chews with their mouth open?
Also not good enough.
- Are you prepared for the legal obstacles?
If you ever do need to leave, it won’t be simple.
You may have to provide proof of your reasons, go through long separation periods, or even fight in court just to be granted a divorce.
If you’re the kind of person who hates dealing with legal paperwork, government processes, or waiting in line at the DMV, imagine that, but for your marriage.
- Are you willing to work through every possible issue?
Covenant marriage assumes that every marriage can be saved if you try hard enough.
But can you?
Are you someone who naturally leans toward problem-solving, or are you the type who shuts down when things get overwhelming?
Be honest with yourself.
This kind of marriage only works if both people are willing to put in the effort, even when it’s exhausting.
- Do you trust your partner 100%?
Because this isn’t just about your commitment, it’s about their commitment, too.
If your partner loses interest in making things work, you could find yourself legally bound to someone who has emotionally checked out.
Are you sure they take this as seriously as you do?
If there’s even a tiny bit of doubt, that’s worth thinking about.
- Are you comfortable with someone else setting the rules for your relationship?
With a regular marriage, you and your partner decide what works best for you.
But in a covenant marriage, the law gets a say.
The government decides what counts as a valid reason to leave.
You’re essentially signing a contract that lets the legal system have power over your personal relationship.
If that idea makes you uneasy, this might not be for you.
- How do you handle long-term conflict?
Some people are great at resolving disagreements.
Others let things fester until one day they explode over something small, like an incorrectly loaded dishwasher.
If you’re the type to hold onto grudges or avoid difficult conversations, a covenant marriage might not be the best choice.
Because once you’re in, you have to work through issues, there’s no easy way out.
- Are you doing this for the right reasons?
Some couples choose covenant marriage because they think it will “protect” their relationship from divorce.
But here’s the truth: no contract, law, or legal obstacle can force a marriage to work if both partners aren’t fully invested.
If your main reason for choosing this is fear of divorce, that’s a red flag.
A strong marriage is built on mutual love and effort, not legal restrictions.
At the end of the day, a covenant marriage is a major decision.
It’s not just about loving your partner, it’s about legally committing to never leave unless things go really south.
Some people love that level of security.
Others see it as a risky bet on an unknown future.
If you read all of this and thought: Yes! That’s exactly what I want! then great, this might be for you.
But if even one part of this made you hesitate, maybe take a step back and think before signing on the dotted line.
Because once you’re in, getting out isn’t so simple.
Conclusion
Covenant marriage is not for the faint of heart.
It’s a serious, legally binding commitment that makes divorce difficult and pushes couples to work through their issues, whether they want to or not.
For some, that’s exactly what they’re looking for.
For others, it’s a little too restrictive.
The truth is, no marriage, covenant or not, will survive without strong communication, trust, and effort from both partners.
That’s why improving how you and your partner communicate before making any major commitments is so important.
And what better way to do that than with the Better Topics Card Game for Couples?
This game is designed to strengthen relationships through engaging, meaningful, and fun conversations.
It helps couples bond, stay playful, and keep their relationship fresh.
Plus, unlike most card games, Better Topics has repeatable questions, so you can play it over and over again, because let’s be real, one deep conversation isn’t enough to build a lasting connection.
So whether you’re considering a covenant marriage, already married, or just want to strengthen your relationship, grab a deck and start playing.
The best relationships aren’t just built on commitment, they’re built on great conversations, laughter, and intentional effort.
Make it a game, make it fun, and most importantly, make it last!
